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shantell Apple Dumpling Designs
Willamette Valley Oregon
Posts: 3,128

After reading all these great responses I thought I should add that my children were all born BEFORE my ex-hubby and I were married.  We didn't live together until after our daughter was born...then along came #3.  After we had our children and we thought...."hey maybe we should get married after all these years."   So at that time especially MY maiden last name was VERY important to me.  My kids all stood up with us until my youngest who was 14 months decided to start screaming...should have been my first clue.  bear_innocent

I agree with Kim's comment about hyphenating.  It is really a single generation thing.  I've actually thought of that myself.  The kids have run into issues with it that I didn't think of before hand.  Such as teachers dropping one part of it thus creating problems with attendance or missing homework, etc.  It has is downfalls.

I truly wish you luck...but if you are undecided I certainly would keep my own name until you are completely sure and have no doubts.  It's very hard to change back.

Hugs,
Shantell

Eileen Baird'sBears
Toronto
Posts: 3,873

bear_original I grew up as Eileen Coumont --Dad was Belgian, Mom was a Texan farm girl who had just seen "My Sister Eileen" on Broadway. I was called everything from Elaine Cormorant to Ellen Cowmound. Really!

I kept my maiden name until we had children, then changed it to Hubs' name, Baird, but kept my maiden name as a middle name. I thought no one would have trouble spelling Baird, but in Toronto's multicultural society, I'm usually Eileen Bear, sometimes Barrett or Beard!

Since I'm from a family of 3 daughters and now have three daughters myself, neither my maiden name nor my husband's name is likely to last much longer.

We considered hyphenating, but instead decided to give all our daughters my maiden name or Hubs' mother's maiden name as a middle name. My two who married daughters have taken their husbands' names, but just add Baird as another middle name.

My eldest is now Eleanor Coumont Baird Hossain, and she fought hard to get all four names onto her US and Canadian passports! The other is Caroline Clifton Baird Winter, and she'll be facing the same battle. Officialdom tries to limit you to 3 names, but it's just their preference, not a requirement.

It's not an easy choice, whatever you decide, but at least we have a choice!

Eileen Baird'sBears
Toronto
Posts: 3,873

bear_thumb Or maybe we need a matrilineal society--all these surnames, after all, are some guy's name! bear_grin

clare14 Country Bears
England
Posts: 3,066

Oooh Heather, many congratulations on your forthcoming wedding, LOVE weddings, please show us lots of photos!!   :photo:

The name thing's funny huh??   Although I love it now as it's VERY handy, when we got married I didn't want to lose my family name, and I didn't really want his 'funny' name!!   :crackup: TEDD That's just too 'funny'!!    So I kept my maiden name and hyphenated it with his, everyone said I just wanted to be posh!!   bear_whistle  That was then.........now of course my surname 'Davis-Tedd' is spot on, and NOBODY believes it's my real name!!!    :crackup:

I wish you well in whatever you decide, and it's been really interesting to read everyone elses replies!!   :hug:  :hug:

sewzanne Raccoon Creek Bears
New Jersey
Posts: 151

When I first saw this post yesterday, it didn't really grab me because my married name is Mrs. Robinson and I kind of enjoy being serenaded by all sorts of people! BUT... Today I went to renew my driver's license. This is the first time since the "rules" have been changed because of 9/11. I had more than my 6 points worth of documents( you Jersey girls will understand) and one of them was my N.J. State Dept. of Health Marriage License. Not good enough for them... it has to be on official state safety paper with a raised seal. If I had kept my maiden name, I would have my license now; instead I have to spend 3 hours in the car to go get "official" papers and then go wait in line AGAIN at Motor Vehicles. ARRGH!  bear_angry   bear_wacko   bear_angry
Suzanne

psichick78 Flying Fur Studios
Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,073

Oh girls,

I have read all the replies with great interest.

I read one post and think, she's right! I'm going to do that!

Then I read the next post with the totally opposite opinion and thought "she's right! I'll do that! "

No really, I'm still undecided, but now I'm leaning more toward taking his name. I know it's important to his family as he's the only boy for generations that I take it. Getting him to change his last name just wouldn't happen, and I can totally understand that.

I think though, if we have kids, it would be easier. I just think of Shelli's example.

Kim B. Good points! I love the idea of wing as a middle name, I can't believe some of you like 'Wing'. Thanks for that.

You know, this is really interesting. I've never heard anyone talk about how they felt giving up their last name. Just some things people don't think to talk about I guess.

Your words of wisdom are uch appreciated, thank you  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:

clare14 Country Bears
England
Posts: 3,066

Why do WE (of the female variety) have to change our name anyway - who decided that??  Had to be a bloke!!   :crackup:

Carolyn Green Draffin Bears
Auckland New Zealand
Posts: 5,354
Website

I took my husbands name when we married in 1986 and I was very happy with that.
My maiden name was Draffin and I was so often asked how to spell that all the time.
When I was thinking of a name for my Bears - I thought Green Bears did not sound
right and that is why I chose my maiden name.

Best of luck with whatever name you go with.

Hugs
Carolyn
bear_flower

WildThyme Wild Thyme Originals
Hudson, Ohio
Posts: 3,115

Haether, another option, especially if you aren't too terribly attached to YOUR middle name (if you have one!) is to be Heather Wing Klokocka, with Wing as your middle name.  I know if I had a "wing" anywhere in MY name I'd be dying to keep it somewhere... just so pretty and ethereal!  I've always wanted to have wings!

You could always give it as a middle name to any future wee ones as well.....

Kim Basta
Wild Thyme Originals

psichick78 Flying Fur Studios
Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,073

Awww, you guys.

Chrissi, your opinion is great! You really sound confidant in your descision. That's how I want to be with mine.

Kim B. OH MY! You might have hit the nail on the head. I like that.

Heather Wing Klokocka. Hummm

I'm not very attached to my middle name. Nicole. Never use it, don't think about it............

Wow I could be a HWK, that's pretty cool!

Off to go really think about that........

I Love Teddies South Florida
Posts: 1,684
Website

Heather,

What are you doing for your wedding?  I don't know if we've talked about this before or not.

kathytaylor Ruby Mountain Bears
Northern Nevada, USA
Posts: 1,467

It doesn't really matter what you change your name too. You are still Heather Wing in your Heart! Having been married twice, name change both times I am still just "Olson" in my heart. And the middle name thing is still a great Idea.
My daughters each have two middle names each for a grandmother, great grandmother. It made them feel special, still does. You could keep your Wing name as a middle name, and take the Klo... as your married name without the Hyphen. then you could pass the middle name on if you had children, I think that would be a very cool middle name with family provenance. I don't know how it works in Canada, here it is fairly easy to change your name when you are getting married.
Kathy

Daphne Back Road Bears
Laconia, NH USA
Posts: 6,568

I didn't read all of the posts but if I ever have to change my name again (another divorce??? UGH!!) I think I'll pick a last name out of a hat. Well, one I like and that does NOT require spelling out or correcting a mis pronounciation!

My maiden name: Towle (sounds like "Toll" but everyone pronounces it 'towel' like what you'd use to dry your face with.)
My married name to first hub: Rosengren..... no, it's not jewish and it's not pronounced Rosen'green'.
My last name now: Blau (rymes with "wow"... no, I don't have the 'blahs'!!!)

Never mind I have to spell my first name and correct everyone's pronounciation of that too!
Honestly.... I want to be Jane Smith the next time around!!!  :crackup:

Heather, I don't envy you the decision you face and I don't have any good suggestions but can't wait to hear what you decide to do!

jenny Three O'clock Bears
warwickshire uk
Posts: 4,413
Website

I kept my first husbands name when I remarried for 2 reasons...the most important reason is that my kids are Johnsons and that's a good enough reason..

The second reason is that I like being Jenny Johnson...it has a ring to it..a good business name..and I have been it since 1974 so why change now...

My husbands name is Bunn...so I would be Jenny Bunn...which is quite nice..there is a girl called Jenny Bunn is Kingsley Amis' novel 'Take a Girl Like You' so that could be a nice name...but I can't change now..

My Sunday best name is Johnson-Bunn..which I have on official stuff ...but I am afraid I am sticking with Johnson.

My maiden name is McGarry...my dad is Irish....but I have been Jenny Johnson for so long I don't answer to anything else!!

Esmerldas Esmerldas
Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 108

Wow, what an amazing group we are.  I just can't resist putting in my thoughts on this one.

I took my husband's name when we married....it seemed the only right thing since our daughter already had his name (don't ask!)  The professional name recognition didn't mean much to me since I just had a job and no reputation as an artist.

I do know a couple that had both been married before and had no children from the first marriages and so decided to chose a new name that both of them took.  I thought that was a very creative way to start a whole new life.

Whatever you decide, I wish for you a lifetime of love and laughter!!

Sue@Peggotty Peggotty
Texas
Posts: 56

[color=red][size=12]Oh golly, Heather.  It IS a dilemma, isn't it?

I now use my hubby's name of Hodges all the time ..... but I think it's kind of boring.  My maiden name was GIORDANO - which I hated when I was a kid because it made me 'different'  - but which I grew to be very [color=red][size=12]comfortable with for exactly the same reason.

Because hubby and I worked for the same company for several years before we 'got together', when we were married I retained my maiden name and was always SUE GIORDANO.  It belonged to me and it WAS me.

Before Peggotty (another name I dislike .... but that's a long story) I used to do riding holidays to Portugal (sending folk out to learn classical dressage with a rider from the Portuguease School of Equestrian Art).  For that I used my maiden name and was always know in the riding community as Sue Giordano.

But as time went on it became less complicated to use my married name i.e. flight tickets, setting up the business etc. so gradually I have become Sue Hodges and few people know me anymore as Sue Giordano.

That makes me sad ..... especially as my Dad has now passed away.

Funny old thing, life.


Anyway, maybe this doesn't help you at all ... but I hope it may

LOL

Sue G.

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