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Posts: 3,177This was sent to me in an email - it really made me laugh. Are'nt kids great?!?!!
:rolleyes:
Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the Bible
> even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a catholic
> elementary school test. Kids were asked questions about the old and new
> testaments. The following statements about the bible were written by
> children. They have not been retouched or corrected. Incorrect spelling
> has been left in.
>
>
> 1. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis. God got tired of creating
> the
> world so he took the Sabbath off.
>
> 2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of
> Ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.
>
> 3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire
> during
> the night.
>
> 4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble
> with unsympathetic Genitals.
>
> 5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like
> Delilah.
>
> 6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.
>
> 7. Moses led the Jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread
> which is bread without any ingredients.
>
> 8, The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went
> up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments.
>
> 9. The first commandments was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
>
> 10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
>
> 11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews
> in the battle of Geritol. (Geritol is a multivitamin available in the US.)
>
> 12. The greatest miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand
> still and he obeyed him.
>
> 13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought
> the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
>
> 14. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
>
> 15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
>
> 16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus
> in the manager.
>
> 17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
>
> 18. sSt. John the Blacksmith dumped water on his head.
>
> 19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before
> they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.
>
> 20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the
> tombstone off the entrance.
>
> 21. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
>
> 22. The epistels were the wives of the apostles.
>
> 23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
>
> 24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is
> another name for marraige.
>
> 25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony
Pandy Potter BearsDon't they teach religous education in schools anymore? Kids hey. My daughter goes a church of England school and has been to a Synagogue (hope thats how you spell it), Mosque and goes to the local church. We are not practising Church of England, but I like that she learns all these things. Its her desicion later. You have to laugh though at the kids. Her school is St Matthews so I will have to tell her he drove the taxis to make ends meet.
As to the last one, they could be right!!!!
Baird'sBears
These are FANTASTIC, Penny! Quel Hoot!
Eileen
Posts: 1,277How cute and funny. I sure needed a little laugh this morning! And although I am only eternally engaged and not married...I think I would agree that #25 just might be correct!
Posts: 8,574Thank you my dear, for such a good giggle.....printed it up for the hubs who is a slug-a-bed this am.....It is after all 0700.
This was priceless
for everything else there's Mastercard
DoodlebearsHa, ha, ha! Penny I have printed this off for my son. He is very religious and will love to share this with his friends at church.
Aren't kids funny I just cracked up at 'The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. Boy what kind of person will this kid turn out to be!
Jane.
Baird'sBearsIt's not as good a kid-glitch as Penny's, but has anyone else ever heard of "Gladly, the cross-eyed bear"?
Eileen
