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For artists and collectors sponsored by Intercal...your mohair supplier and Johnna's Mohair Store
Just Us BearsOKAY OKAY!!!!! ENOUGH SAID ABOUT POO AND BIDETS AND HOLES IN THE GROUND!!!! I'M SORRY I EVER BOUGHT UP THE SUBJECT OF TP OKAY!!!!:lol::lol::lol::lol:
Shelli get the prize for most disgusting story...it can't be topped so please...no-one try!
Lets get back to talking about nice things...like hmmm...like....oh,ummmm.....oh, somebody think of something nice! My head is still trying to think of a better story than Shellis!!!!!:D
Delartful BearsOooh Shelli... I feel sick.... That is sooooo gross... LOL
Thanks for sharing it though.. uhhh.. I think! 
DoodlebearsPhooey!!! Shelli I'd rather be constipated YUCK!!!! .............Reaching for the sick bowl now..............................getting greener buy the minute................................now where's the loo roll!
Jane
Baird'sBearsI'm off for a day or so waiting for my stupid (again) computer to be repaired (again), and look what you ladies get up to!! 
We've got a comedy show up here called "Puppets Who Kill". Nasty and stupid, and it involves a teddy (definitely synthetic) who collaborates with a ventriloquist's dummy!
Since we're plumbing the depths of the evil bear/ toilet paper connection, I want to take this opportunity to say that one of the most offensive bear-representations I've ever seen is the bear family in "Charmin'" Toilet Paper commercial. Aside from it's general cringe-worthiness, I have a few specific objections:
1. Like the Telus piglet, those bears have no anal orifices.
2. It is not at all clear how they dispose of the toilet paper, nevermind the poo, if any.
If you've ever tried both British and American toilet paper, you'll understand why Americans use more of the stuff than Brits. The British equivalent (sandpaper, as Shelli says) was so unbelievable that I brought back a mess of it to amaze my friends!! :lol:
Eileen
DoodlebearsStanding up on my soap box here....I will speak out for the 'British Loo Roll'
Poor you Eileen, you probably used some of the left over loo rolls from the dark ages....we now have luxurious soft, kind ,absorbable loo paper...no scratchy, crunchy, sandpaper to wipe away etc. etc....soft enough for a baby's botty...kind and gentle, that's the British loo rolls.
Jane
Baird'sBearsReally? Honest? Then I might be back!! Actually, not even scratchy toilet paper would keep me out of the UK if budget permitted. When we last visited, Hubby nearly had to drug me to force me home!
Eileen
I have always wanted a bidet, but my current bathroom is too small.
We have some toilet roll here called charmin, it has a teddy bear inprinted in it.
About 4/5 years ago a company contacted me to make a bear for them, for a promotion.
I made the bear and got paid they would have bought the patern from me too, but it would have been to expensive for them to reproduce, as they were looking for a bean bag type bear to give away when you collected tokens.
I made three prototype bears they have one I have one and a friend has the thrid one.
Apple Dumpling DesignsAnd yet Shelli has so graphically described another reason to NOT go camping. Don't get me wrong I love the great outdoors but there are a few things that I would prefer to avoid.
PottersHouse BearsIf I may jump back to the killer teddy bears for a bit. I'm not so sure about the killing bit, but teddy bears do have a way of getting you in trouble. After church one Sunday morning we went out to eat with some friends. My friend and I were minding our own business and having a conversation about teddy bears. Apparently others in the restaurant were listening in. This is what they heard, "Yes, I just ordered a bag of those joints." "Oh, when you get the joints I'll have to come over to your house." "Yes I ordered 100 of them." My daughter interrupted our talk with a long drawn out MOM! We then realized that there were people turned around backwards in their seats looking at us. We half expected ATF agents to come storming in at any minute. Explain that to the police.
Millie, I had to laugh at your joint story. I order my supplies from Disco Joints in Ontario. Once day as the mailman was delivering my stuff I felt I must explain what was in the big box. There was a big label on the outside that said "Disco Joints". I figured he had visions of me having some crazy Disco party and smoking these "joints". I'm still not sure he even believed my story , he just smiled and walked away :D
Shelli, your TP story was gross , but amusing. I've heard of campers coming home with only one sock before when they got........um.....caught without paper.
Past Time BearsSigh . . . .
I am absolutely rolling on my floor laughing my head off (ROFLMHO, or the cruder ROFLMAO, for those of you who know a bit of cyber-speak.) You gals are amazingly funny; I enjoy these little digressions into the humanity of us all.
Sue Ann, I am trying SO HARD to intuit the tone and emotion behind your <sigh>... !!!
Millie/Nina, your story about the curious mailman reminded me of one Michelle Lamb, bear-maker extraordinaire, once shared with me. I don't think I'm breaking any confidences in sharing it here as well...
She told me that, like most bearmakers, she often ends her day covered in mohair bits and fluff. She happened to run an errand still covered in such a way, and upon seeing her hair-covered clothing, someone remarked, "Oh... You must work with dogs!"
"Nope," she replied... "BEARS."
And with that, turned with a smile and walked away.
Man, I adore that woman. Talent AND wit to spare! 
Past Time BearsYes, Michelle, is great fun to talk with!! The "sigh" was extremely complicated . . . am not sure myself what all it entailed! Just be sure that you ladies are THE cutest, funniest people!!
Posts: 8,574fOR THOSE aMERICANS WHO HAVE BATHROOMS TOO SMALL TOO ACCOMMODATE (----caps lock again) a bidet there are available, yes here in the states, yes you too can look them up on the computer, retrofit to your own toilet- and the retrofits can even heat the water!-hmmmmmmm nice.....In your own home you could use a towel-like from a shower.....
my worst toilet experience? Paris, yes beautiful wonderful Paris. they had these S shaped booths on the streets and they had holes in the ground.....and they were not closed all the way to the ground- you could see peoples feet.....I had to....I had to use this booth.....but I think it really damaged my psyche.....until I became a nurse. After 20+ years in that business.....nothing bothers me any more!
Shelli- only you would have such an ingenious story as that....and since it came from your honey-well it makes perfect sense...I couldn't stop laughing.
Maybe if we go camping we should just have extra.....?
And yes we all love Sue Ann.....and Sue Ann is not responsible for anything we say. *( thank goodness)*.....and yes the sigh was complicated.....but
But
none of us have received a call from Anyone at Intercal- well except for a week ago Johanna called, and my head hurt so bad I can not remember why she called or what she said but it was about my order....i think.....:/
So Shelli- send Sue Ann a hug and go with it-whatever is on your mind- :D
we need to laugh our assorted body parts off! :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
Dilu
how do you dry?
Well you could drip dry :D:D:D:D
I carry babywipes- handy for spilling milk shakes down my front or whatever.....
Hey Kerren... I didn't want your mention of endorsement to be lost in the hysterical chitchat. Congratulations on being chosen to design a promotional bear for a big company. That's a huge honor; you must be very proud. I'd love to see a picture of that bear sometime. 
Baird'sBearsShelli and Millie and Tammy and Dilu and Shelli's Michelle
You have no idea how you keep me going! My Korean Angel and I are struggling to prepare three essays for tomorrow's exam, all about discrimination according to gender, race, sexual preference, ethnicity, age, blah-de-blah, and without you funny ladies I'd be dying of an overdose of politically correct sociology!! :(
Jane, my experience with scratchy British loo paper was many years ago, in a London hotel where we had to share a bathroom with 20 other guests. This loo and its roll were about a quarter of a mile from our room, and I had a bad case of Montezuma's--no! make that Cornwallis's Revenge. What a night!!
When we journeyed to Scotland to meet John's Mum, she'd thoughtfully stocked up on American toilet paper and French coffee, just for me! I'd been promised the honor of roasting the Christmas turkey, but had to pass the job on to John when she presented me with what was basically a dead bird--naive as I was, I'd only seen turkeys frozen in plastic wrap!
Eileen
Delartful BearsOoh Eileen, I don't know how I would have reacted if that happened to me (your Turkey incident) .. I thought they only came frozen... LOL :lol:
Danni
Hi Sheli,
I found a pic of my "Charmin" bear, he looks better in the fur. I still have all the pictures they sent to me before their launch.
Just to confirm Our loo roll(UK) is soft and smooth and we go through a roll a day somtimes!
huggles Kerren
Baird'sBearsKerren,
Your 'Charmin' bear is much, much cuter than the animated bears in the commercial!
Eileen
Past Time BearsCharmin is charmin', Kerren! That's a very nice honor to have been asked to make a promotional bear . . . way to go!!
Kerren, that bear is adorable. I love his little wistful expression. What a huge honor! Congratulations, again.
Country BearsI've only just read all this, what a riot!!! Shelli, UGH!!!! Makes you wonder what the desert rats get up to doesn't it!!!
BUT I've got to say, as a brit, we have come a long way since the sandpaper toilet paper - I remember that as a child - boy that brings back memories, scratchy ones at that!!! Even we have Charmin now!!! Well done Kerren by the way - lovely bear!!!
I don't know if you have Andrex where you are, but they do 'puppies on a roll' - now that's sick..................
Hi Girls,
Thanks for all the kind words about my Charmin bear, it was really difficult triyng to make a bear from a flat picture but i think i got the look I wanted eventually! :P
'puppies on a roll'
now that made me laugh!
hugs Kerren
Posts: 8,574Awww Kerrin, let me add my kudos to everyone elses......
The silly things we have dancing around in commercials pale in comparison to yours.....
Dilu
Eileen
Even though you couldn't handle the fresh dead bird, your mother in law sounds like a gem! It is soo hard to be the mother in law and it is so hard to be the daughter in law....Sounds like you were getting off to a good start.
Dilu
Baird'sBears
How right you are, Dilu
My dear mother-in-law died shortly after her first grandchild, my Eleanor, was born. We rushed across the pond as soon as we knew something was wrong, and got there in time to introduce them!! As it turned out, Eleanor was a cherished family name--why her son and E's father didn't know that, I couldn't say, but the minute my firstborn emerged, she looked like an Eleanor to me.
My mother-in-law, Easter Clifton, was a gem. She was more of a mother to me than my own for the short time I knew her, even though (as some of her slightly snobby friends put it) I was An American! She was born to a very wealthy English family, married the family's estate steward when she was 18, and got herself disinherited. When he died, she paid off massive debts and raised three teenaged sons by herself. She'll always be my model of toughness and femininity, though I rarely live up to her example of either. :(
We didn't meet until after I married John, and she was so nervous that she lost her voice. I was so nervous that I managed to spook her miniature Schnauzer, who bit me! I think we bonded over our nerves . . .
Sorry to ramble on, but I do miss the lady!
Eileen
