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Chaska, MinnesotaHello Teddy Bear friends: My boss sent this to me. Though a little late for Thanksgiving it still is funny. And on the aside, I love Martha Stewart...I have all her books and watch her shows....Enjoy:
Our Thanksgiving Sans Martha Stewart
Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving.
I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes:
· Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.
· Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea.
· The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.
· Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey.
· We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.
· As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.
· We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like.
· Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.
· I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that "passing the rolls" is not a football play. Nor is it a request to bean your sister in the head with warm, tasty bread.
· Oh, and one reminder for the adults: For the duration of the meal, and especially while in the presence of young diners, we will refer to the giblet gravy by its lesser-known name: Cheese Sauce. If a young diner questions you regarding the origins or type of Cheese Sauce, plead ignorance.
· Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice among 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have a choice, though: take it or leave it.
Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. She probably won't come next year either.
Cleathero CreationsOh I love it.
Some of that can be referenced to Christmas as well!
:crackup: :crackup: Hee hee!! Oh, that's good!!! :crackup: :crackup:
Posts: 3,540:crackup: :crackup: 
:crackup: :crackup: I seriously needed that!!! :crackup: Off to go share with my mother, as I see the ghosts of soooo many Thanksgivings Past in that! :hug:
Back Road BearsDid you see the photos in MS Living of her Thanksgiving in her STABLE???? With horses? The whole thing was just idiotic. I'm sorry but let's get real... chandeliers and red carpet in a stable with lots of well known people and horse pucky?????
I only saw this because my Mother dreams of being Martha and has a subscription to the mag! 
Tami Eveslage Original Teddy BearsI too am a Martha Stewart "wanna be" although it's not apparent at all in my home! I look at the magazine and long to have the time to put all of those creative ideas to use! My sister in law, however, could give Martha a run for her money. And unlike Martha, she cleans her own house. (I feel pretty certain Martha has a house keeper) She hosts the loveliest Christmas dinner for our family! It's kid friendly too!
Posts: 3,177:crackup: :crackup: :crackup: Nice one Michelle 
Penny 
Mountain Dreamer Bears This all sounds hauntingly familiar...
Posts: 361Oh my gosh, Michelle....I could hardly read it, I was laughing so hard!! I love Martha too...have all her books!
Thanks for the laughs!! :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:
Hugs, Nancy
Kingfisher Farm Teddies and Folk Artwww.kingfisherfarm.netI'd rather George Clooney cam to dinner anyway Pam
Kingfisher Farm Teddies and Folk ArtToby, I bet he'd share the pie with his pot belly pig!!! 
Pam
