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Rather long this one, but I think worth it in the end. I have been one who has to have had this procedure done, so I am sharing with the others who have had to go through the same thing. !!!!!
Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal:
.... I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an
appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy
showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go
all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis ..
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough,
reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really
hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO
STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for
a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a
microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it
to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's
enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.
Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In
accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I
had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.
Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder
together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water
(For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32
gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour,
because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat
spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great
sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel
movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off
your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here,
but:
Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep
experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the
commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the
bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything.
And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink
another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels
travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even
eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my
wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried
about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of
MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you
apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and
totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a
room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little
curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital
garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on,
makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand.
Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already
lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their
MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then
I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the
bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would
have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where
Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the
17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere.
I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left
side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in
my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song
was 'Dancing Queen' by Abba. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that
could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen'
has to be the least appropriate.
'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,'
I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a
decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell
you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, Abba was shrieking
'Dancing Queen! Feel the beat from the tambourine ...'and the next moment, I
was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was
looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even
more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon had
passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
DoodlebearsLynette, I too have had this done to me a couple of times and slept peacefully throughout. My husband also needed this procedure and because of it they found he had bowel cancer. He had his operation a few days later and he's here with me now eight years after the operation. The colonoscopy lead doctors to be able to save my husbands life.
So any of you out there that are recommended to have a colonoscopy, don't be scared, it could save your life.
Hugs, Jane. 
Yip Jane so important to get tested. It is not painful at all, rather the thought which is scary !!!!!!!!!!!
Lynette
My Dad was just like Jane's husband, after a Colonoscopy they found Cancer, he was operated on straight away, and his life saved. That was 18 years ago. We kids have to have Colonoscopies every five years because of our family history. I have to tell anyone who is facing one, it is absolutely fine. Not embarrassing or painful at all. You are off in the twilight zone anyway and don't remember a thing. So, if it is recommended that you have one, please do so. It really is an easy procedure and the thought of it is much worse than the actual event.
Blankie BearsI agree with all of the above, but i must add that this was the funniest thing i have read in a long time--I was laughing out loud!! :crackup: :crackup: (At work, that can be a problem..) But all very important stuff, too. I am off for my first colonoscopy this summer so I appreciate the info! Ginny
Ruby Mountain BearsI am laughing hysterically at work!! :crackup:
I was just talking with my co worker at lunch we were laughing saying men after forty should have to have a (picture this) Scrotal gram, a male version of a Mammo gram along with thier prostate check then they would have more sympathy for what we ladies endure on a regular basis. 
Benson BearsI may be up for one at some time because I have 2 sisters with Crohn's disease, I keep a close eye out for any symptoms. It was good to read such an hillarious account! Though I rather think it was a completely different experience for one of my sisters as she had a temporary colostomy at the time........imagine dragging THAT around!!
My dh had his last year. He will attest to everything in the description. I haven't had one yet because I don't have health insurance and it is not an inexpensive procedure. I don't have any family history but the test is recommended after the age of 50. There are organizations that help pay for mammograms, it would be nice if there was one to help with this potentially life saving test.
Past Time BearsI was way past 60 when I had the procedure, and I do have it in my family history. The procedure itself is a breeze . . . it's the preparation the day before that is totally disgusting and - uh - somewhat embarrassing. :redface: :redface: Dave Barry explains it well.
A totally hilarious account of this procedure. I have had one done and also was out like a light so only remember the preparation the day before- never want to eat jello for another 5 years!!!! I believe our prep medication here in Canada is much more humane amd doesn't involve drinking that much water!!!!
Hugs
Gail
Swan Valley BearsYep, the prep is the worst part of it. I've had many colonoscopies. My mom had colon cancer about 18 years ago (she's fine). About 13 years ago, I had tumors in my colon that couldn't be biopsied so they did surgery. Fortunately the tumors were benign. (But I still lost half my colon.) I've had a colonoscopy every three years since then. Anyhow . . . you no longer have to drink the two liters. I had to drink a gallon of the disgusting liquid my first couple times. Now you can use something you buy over the counter and you only have to drink about 1/2 cup of disgusting stuff. The results are the same though. Don't go far from the bathroom.
I also have colon cancer in the family so need to be checked every 5 years. I put it off for a long time as the thought of the preparation before hand was not something I wanted to do, however I had no choice but to go.
Well now if I go again I will be sure to remember this story and start giggling in hospital, although that might not be a good idea they might just whisk me off to the nut house.
Lynette
Chaska, MinnesotaLynette: this is an important post. Colon cancer is very preventable and it can catch cancer in early stages.
So dear teddy bear friends, when a doctor recommends it is time to have one, do it!! It is not horrible as it sounds...It could save your life.
