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kassiebears Apr 25, 2006

Hello everyone,

Unfortunately this is not a nice subject and it is pains to me to even have to deal with it.
I am going to be straightforward because I feel that there is really no other way to get my point across and I don't want any misunderstandings.

Some of you may have noticed that I have not been posting on TT as much these days. Well, I want to tell you it is only because I have been very busy – being creative.
I am only mentioning this because it has come to me attention that there are some rumors going around in the teddy bear world about me. I will not go into details (at this time) on whom it may or may not be. I will only say this. I know who you are – and shame on you! Ans as I said in one of my early post - I don't forget!

And - I have not been away because of anything you have said or done to try and prevent me from coming back. Silly You!
I have not mentioned this on TT because I felt it would just hopefully fade away and frankly I have better things to do with my time. But – unfortunately it has not.

This is directed only to the people who have been part of this.
To all these "persons" who are gossiping and trying to discredit me.
Let me just say this – You may – “think” what you like about me. I cannot do anything about that. But – you “will not say” what you think - you know about me – or direct those ideas at me or at my Teddy Bear business.  You may think the Internet is a free place to say as you want about others in a slenderizing way. Let me just share with you – there are laws and these laws are for this very reason. There’re in placed to prevent this kind of behavior and they are indeed enforced. Did you know that harassment and the Internet can give you fifteen years in jail? That is just one example of the laws governing the internet.

And let me just say this also. My understanding is we are all here on TT to support one another and share our teddy bear world. We may not always agree with one another – and may not even like each other. I don't see how that is even possible - seeing that we only know some of us threw text. My meaning is - some of us haven't even meant yet. So how can you dislike someone you haven't even met?  Anyway, that does not give anyone the right to behave in a slenderizing manner and I for one will not stand for it and or allow it – period!
I was going direct this to the TT stuff but I decided to post this instead. I felt I would have to give names and I feel everyone deserves a second change. I can't change the damage - you think you - have already done - but I will stand up for myself.

So take heed to what I am saying here – very carefully.

Also let me maybe give you some advise on how you may avoid any further offenses I may have caused you.  – if you don’t like what I have to say – then my suggestion to you would be – just don’t read it! There is also a saying I like very much. I am sure a lot have heard it. "If you have nothing nice to say - then don't say anything at all"! Good advise I would think.

This is to only the TT members who have not be part of this.
I apologize to all Teddy Talk stuff for having to place this post on here and also - to all the tt members who have not been involved in this behavior. I apologize because I do have better things to do with my time and prefer to do them as I feel most of us do. It also makes me feel bad – only because you all work so hard to bring a positive atmosphere to this Community Form and some people just don’t respect that.
I want to let TT know that I do not hold this board responsible for anyone else’s actions who are members here that have behave this way and I will continue to support all members and Teddy Talk.

So hugs to all the good guys (even in this I find humor – just to let you know mischief ladies I am smiling)
Kassity

bearsbybeesley Apr 25, 2006

I am so sorry to hear this Kassity! We love you Hon! Remeber that OK!

Many Hugs Louise

plushkinbear Apr 25, 2006

Kassity,
I'm so sorry! It must be very offensive to receive such a negotive feedback from the people you trusted.  :hug:

You did the right thing.
I'm with you! You have my support and beary hugs from Russia.
Your current series of bears are amazing!
Don't listen to rumors, you are talented, creative and simply friendly person to chat.

Julia :hug:

Jennskains Apr 25, 2006

:hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:

Aleta - The Silly Bear Apr 25, 2006

Kassity, 
I was wondering why you haven't been posting.  Now I know.  It's such a shame that you've been hurt by rumor and gossip.  Chin up, girl! 

Warmest bear hugs,  :hug:
Aleta

BrozZ BearZ Apr 25, 2006

I'm so sorry to hear this.  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:

thumperantiques Apr 25, 2006

Kassity,  I'm sorry that you have had  any unpleasant experiences on Teddy Talk.  Nice to have you back,

                                             Hugs,

                                             Brenda

kassiebears Apr 25, 2006

Thank you - all of you - as the mischief ladies on here. I know who my friends are so thank you dear hearts.      :hug:  :hug:

Aleta, dear friend  - not to worrie  but thank you :hug:  :hug:
and
Louise, Julia, Brenda, Jenn, and  $am ....
I can only smile for I have friends like all of you!   :hug:
Brenda and Aleta  -  I was not away because of that - just been working very hard and besides bullies don't get their way with me. 

I fixed some typo errors in my message - was thinking faster than writing LOL

Hugs Kassie

patsylakebears Apr 25, 2006

Kassie sending hugssss  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:

Eileen Apr 25, 2006

  :hug: Kassie, I'm so sorry to hear that you've been the object of nastiness.   :hug:

:hug: I've been there--not on TT but in so-called 'real life'--and it's frustrating. At the time I didn't know whether to confront the issue or ignore it, and lost a lot of sleep wondering.

I'm glad you spoke up!

Eileen

Amanda Apr 25, 2006

Hang in there and I look forward to seeing all those creative bears!  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:

lapousmor Apr 25, 2006

How can some people behave so badly?
Well, Kassie, I understand you are so angry about it... some people just cannot stop themselves saying bad things about people.

You obviously are very talented (if you were not, you would not sell your bears for such high prices!) as collectors don't hesitate paying a lot for your bears who well deserve it!

I am a collector too, and of course i am not attracted similarly by the bears all people on TT are making. There are some bears i just get crazy about, and there are some bears I dislike. Saying I dislike some bears does not mean I think the artist did not make a great work on the bear, but just that the bear does not have that appeal on me!

But I would never ever say anyone i dislike the bears they made, because you all on TT deserve so much awe for your work.
You all have this magic in your fingers.

Kassie, you are not different: you too have got this magic in your fingers, your own propre style. You are amazingly good, and maybe some people are jealous. I have to confess, I whish to have some day some of the success you already have! Well, my time may come eventually! I am patient.

My point of view is that as teddy bear artist our main aim is to give love around us through our bears.

Kassie, I am with you.
Keep making great bears!
:hug:  :hug:  :hug:     

Beary hugs,
Sophie.

Laniebears Apr 25, 2006

Kassie,

Id like to add i don't know who or what you are actually referring to, but i could not read your post without  being moved by it... IM SO SORRY... BUT I THINK THIS IS AWFUL.

This absolutely horrifys me :(
How on earth can grown adults behave in such a distasteful manner.

Why have you been made you feel so bad, for so long. Why has it not stoped and been resolved. Why have you been put into the situation where you have felt you needed to come on here and tell your story...

Whoever and whatever is involved PLEASE END IT NOW... NO ONE DESERVES TO BE BULLIED...

BULLYING IS DISGUSTING AND DAMAGING NO MATTER HOW OLD YOU ARE....

This is a matter very close to my heart.... My young son Jay has been bullied at school and at home via the internet...

WE HAVE HAD A TERRIBLE TIME TRYING TO REBUILD HIS SELF CONFIDENCE...
At home he tended to take out his pent up frustration on his poor little sister....
It did and still does have quite a negative effect on him...

We were very lucky the school has an absolutely no bullying policy and it seems to have knocked the nail on the head and stopped it...

POOR YOU HOW DO YOU FIGHT VICIOUS RUMOURS...

THIS IS AN INSERT FROM A BOOKLET WE WERE GIVEN
SOME GOOD SIMPLE ADVICE WHICH HELPED US DEAL WITH SOME OF JAYS PROBLEMS...

The Number One rule for dealing with this type of behavior is: don't respond, don't interact and don't engage. This is not as easy to do as it sounds. It's a natural response to want to defend yourself, and to put the person right. However, never argue with a serial bully; it's not a mature adult discussion, but like dealing with a child or immature teenager; whilst the serial bully may be an adult on the outside, on the inside they are like a child who's never grown up - and probably never will. Serial bullies and harassers often have disordered behavior or thinking patterns and do not share the same thoughts or values as you.

Rule two is become alert to provocation. It could be called "The Baiting Game". A provocative comment is made and those who respond spontaneously in irritation (eg non-assertively) are then encouraged to engage in conflict with those who respond without irritation (eg assertively). The provoker watches, waits and stirs the pot with the occasional additional provocation. What interests me is the sense of gratification that a provoker gains from watching others indulge in destructive interaction initiated by him- or herself. In this context, gratification is a perverse form of satisfaction akin to, but distinct from, pleasure.

The third rule; is become an observer. Although you may be the target of the cyberbullys anger, you can train yourself to act as an observer. This takes you out of the firing line and enables you to study the perpetrator and collect evidence. When people use bullying behaviors they project their own weaknesses, failings and shortcomings on to others. In other words, they are telling you about themselves by fabricating an accusation based on something they themselves have done wrong. Whenever you receive a flame mail or hate mail, train yourself to instinctively ask the question, "What is this person revealing about themselves this time?"

The forth rule is decide if you want to take action, and if so, prepare carefully and strike hard. Sometimes refusing to respond and engage will result in the cyberbully losing interest and going off to find someone easier to torment. Sometimes though, especially if there has been interaction in the past, the cyberbully is so obsessed that s/he cannot and will not let go. You will have to make that person let go, but only through swift, hard, legal action, and only when the time is right. Don't deal with the abuser yourself (this encourages bullies and stalkers), use a third party such as a solicitor.

Finally a reminder - never try to mediate, negotiate, conciliate or otherwise deal with a bully or stalker yourself. Always remember Rule #1: don't respond, don't interact and don't engage.

Kassie,

Id like to add don't let silly behavior stop you doing what you do best and enjoy.

It would be nice to think that mature adults are grown up enough to recognise & deal with thoughts of jealousy, envy & inferiority which are the root cause of most personality disorders & can make a bully, in a mature manner, seek professional help, most preferably without inflicting there grief onto others...

Some people are sincere, some insincere i know which id like to be remembered as.....

Shame on them...

:hug: BIG HUGS FOR KASSIE  :hug: 

Lanie X

bhbears Apr 25, 2006

Dear Kassie,
I'm so sorry to hear about your trouble, you are a very brave soul I'm sure it wasn't an easy thing to write that post.  Taking a stand and not letting yourself be a victim can be one of the hardest things to do, been there done that.  Hold your head up high girly you done good!!! The only way to deal with bullies is to stare the buggers in the face and let them know you aren't going to lay down and be a door matt so they can walk all over ya with their stinkin dirty lousy selves, because that is what they truly believe about themselves. Anyone who feels good about who they are wouldn't treat another like garbage. I'm rooten for ya girl  :hug:  :hug:  :hug: Deborah Bearhaven Bears

kbonsall Apr 25, 2006

I dont know what you are talking about exactly but  :hug:

and just with a reminder, i am not sure what all was said or who said it but sometimes things get misinterpreted on the internet (we have had this happen on TT before)... it is hard to tell where people are coming from sometimes when you cannot see facial expressions and such...

keep your head up :hug:

Tracy Apr 25, 2006

  Kassity, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this..........and disgusted really that you even have to at all!!  Good for you for posting on TT about it and bringing this behavior into 'public' view!! And I hope that like some of you have said, that there may have been some misinterpretation?..........One can always hope!

Big hugs, and keep on with making those gorgeous bears!! :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:

Tracy

Daphne Apr 25, 2006

Everyone has yet again offered fantastic advice and support.
Isn't that what the MAJORITY of we TTers are all about?

You gals also need to remember that not only are we diverse, we are MANY, MANY, MANY and sadly enough... the greater our number, the greater the chances of having a few not so good eggs in the group. Doesn't mean they are all bad, just that personalities, opinions and how each individual chooses to handle their thoughts and feelings publically are apt to clash.

It would be nice to think that the adult world was mature, respectful and kind but it is not. Just look at the world around you! Because we are teddy bear artists - makers of loving, cuddly, feel-good creatures - doesn't mean we are as pleasant as a teddy bear at all times! Some have a little grizzly inside.

I do feel it's wise to make it clear that negative behavior toward fellow TTers is not tolerated by a majority of members and that we are all here to share, learn, support and enjoy the company of other bear artists. If you feel the need to create a negative experience here for ANYONE, then you quite simply don't belong on this board. There are plenty of other groups that come to mind where that sort of behavior is thrived upon so I'm sure you'd find plenty of company and spats to get into elsewhere.

None of us are perfect, we all have bad days, weeks even, but to act disrepsectfully intentionally is just plain wrong. Is it so hard to be nice or at least civil?

Yes, I was also brought up with the saying:

"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!"

These are words to live by.

So, hugs to anyone who has been the unnecessary brunt of disrespectful behavior on this board. 

Hugs,
Daphne

Laura Lynn Banner SponsorApr 25, 2006

Kassity - can't add to what's been said already except ...  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:

rufnut Apr 25, 2006

Kassie, very sorry to hear that this is going on and happening to you  :hug:

gotobedbears Apr 25, 2006

Sorry to hear about this Kassity - but these things happen sometimes 

Try to forget it and get on with making those fabulous new bears of yours

Poor You  :hug:

Penny 

shantell Apr 25, 2006

Yes, I was also brought up with the saying:

"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!"

I totally agree...and for you Kassity I'm so sorry to hear that you were the target of very unnecessary abuse.   I honestly have been very surprise (why I don't know) at the middle school mentality that has been going around lately.  I never understand what purpose it serves to speak badly about someone...whether deserves (and in my opinionn never is) or not.

Know that you are loved by many.

Shantell

Tammy Apr 25, 2006

So sorry to hear about your dilema Kassie.  I hope if all works out in the end.   :hug:

NancyAndFriends Apr 25, 2006

Hi Kassie...I too want to add how I feel about this subject.  I have many times suffered what you are going thru.
I know everyone made me feel better here on TT and of course remember that when your work is good, you will have these 'attacks'...that is what I was told, not that it is an excuse...but the green monster does bring out the worst sometimes.
So sorry you are going thru this...I really think you should send it to the TT staff and get it cleared up.
I did just read a post similar to yours and Shelli said it turned out that (as I understand it correctly...correct me if I am wrong Shell) that the lady who told this person, 'what others had said'...actually was the person who said it and no one else was involved.
So, my advice is to get it cleared up...I always like to bring things out in the open.  I hate all this back stabbing and gosipy stuff...it is so childish.
Please do yourself a favor and get it cleared up...it may end up entirely different than you think and you will feel much better.

Nanc.....

SueAnn Help Advisor, Banner SponsorApr 25, 2006

As a Help Advisor, I feel the need to jump into this thread.  I hope I don't offend anyone and it is not in my personality makeup to try to confront anybody or engage in disagreements.  In fact, my first impulse is to run the other way!  But, ladies, we really need to remember what Teddy Talk is about and what it means to all of us.  We are here to help, support, encourage, and enrich each other in this bear world we all happen to share - creating, collecting, and connecting as the TT logo says.  Please, please if at all possible can we abstain from posting hurtful messages on a public forum??  If you don't agree with what's being said, that is fine - you are allowed.  If the disagreement is personal and needs to be pursued, we would urge you to do so privately.  We would like this message board to remain positive and uplifting for everyone . . . not be a place where one is afraid to post, fearing retaliation and negative replies.  If this post angers or hurts anybody, please feel free to contact me privately and we can discuss it. This message is meant just to be a reminder to treat people with respect and is not targeted at any individual.  I appreciate your taking the time to read it.  Big hugs to every last one of you!

Shelli Retired Help Advisor, Banner SponsorApr 25, 2006

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