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Aleta - The Silly Bear May 4, 2006

Well ladies, now we really know how men think!  Enjoy!!  Warmest  :hug:, Aleta

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.  Finally, the guys' side of the story.  (I must admit, it's pretty good.)  We always hear "the rules" from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.  These are our rules!  Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.  See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.  Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done.
Not both.  If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.  We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.  Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.  Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.

clare14 May 4, 2006

Tee! Hee!   Too funny!!   :crackup:  :crackup:

Tracy May 4, 2006

:crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup: 

I have one problem with the toilet seat one though........men don't

fall in

if they don't notice the seat's been left up!! Like in the middle of the night with your eyes half shut.................(yes, it's happened to me!   :lol:)  Not much happens to a guy if a woman leaves the seat down.

:hug:
Tracy

Wisdom Bears May 4, 2006

Oh Aleta,
                What a Hoot that is, well I guess they have to get their own back sometime. I have laughed myself silly.  Hugs Rita xxxx

SueAnn Help Advisor, Banner SponsorMay 4, 2006

                :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:

thumperantiques May 4, 2006

Aleta, that's hilarious - only problem is it's all true LOL! :crackup:  :crackup:

                                                     Hugs,

                                                     Brenda

Esmerldas May 4, 2006

Not much happens to a guy if a woman leaves the seat down.

.....except I'll be doing extra mopping!   ;^)

gotobedbears May 4, 2006

Don't get me started on MEN Aleta     

grrrrrrrrr - idiots - pliable, weak minded bunch of dweebs with lots of nose hair and really small thingies
:twisted:  :twisted:  :twisted:

I have the hump with mine....................long story filled with bitterness and me dreaming of slapping him round the gob with a wet fish!

He just spent ££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££'s on a bloody bicycle - a BIKE!!!
I ask you! Who spends that sort of money on bike unless you're flipping Lance Armstrong? Even he had the sponsers buy the damn thing
         

Don't talk to me about MEN!!!!!!!!!!   :doh:  :doh:  :doh:

I Love Teddies May 5, 2006

:crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:

About the Sunday sports - I'm the one in our relationship who loves sports and watches football (American, not soccer) and basketball.  I love sports!

Daphne May 5, 2006

Tracy... falling in... it's happened to me too! Thank you for not making me the only one who'd admitted it on the board! :)

Men... I have a wonderful husband... treats me well, remembers special occassions, does the dishes and even puts the seat down now..... but he's still a MAN... doesn't get the hints, doesn't notice new clothes and all the other things in that list... oh, yeah, that's him.

Mom says my Dad was never a typical man! Now that he's not only in forced retirement but not well she's realizing that he is indeed like all the rest..... she just didn't realize it before because he was always at work!

Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em, can't shoot 'em!

DebbieD May 5, 2006

So glad I'm not the only one to take a cold dip in the toilet!  Isn't that a nasty shock in the middle of the night? 

I dearly love this post.... especially that "I AM in shape!  Round is a shape"  :crackup:

Lisa I would have sooooooooooo loved to see your auntie wailing on her hubby with a fish!  Oooh, hang on and let me get my popcorn  :crackup:

Ahhh, men....ya gotta love 'em...  :hug:

DebbieD May 5, 2006

Well who could blame her after all THAT???     Anyone would have been at the end of their rope....  :crackup: Gawd that cracks me up, though!  I would have LOVED to have seen it!  :crackup:

Laniebears May 7, 2006

:crackup: GIVE ME A BEAR ANY DAY :crackup:

Eileen May 7, 2006

Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

:crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:

My Dad! Columbus was trying to find India, of course 

These are perfect, Aleta--I wish I'd had this list when I first started dating, because it would have saved me a lot of grief and one divorce!

Fish slapping rules. It's one of those things I'm determined to do before I shuffle off this mortal coil! Anyone remember the Monty Python Fish-Slapping Dance? My favorite sketch  :crackup:

I got lucky, second time around. He cooks, he's a great Daddy and dog/rabbit/cat/rodent-lover, even though we never ask first if we can bring home another pet, because he'd say no, and he puts up with my enthusiasms with only a bit of huffing and puffing and head-shaking. Scotsmen are highly recommended.

We've been married more than 30 years, and it just gets better.

Eileen

beary_clairey May 7, 2006

   

Penny,

How much did your hubby spend on the bike ???

Hugs

Claire