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psichick78 Jun 19, 2006

Hey ladies.

So, some of you know I'm getting married in Oct. Now this is really no big deal. We've been together for 13 years ( yes I was young, don't do the math! LOL )

But here' my delemma, it's really been bothering me for months and months.

My last name is WING.
Not a great last name I know Everyone always asks me if my dad is chinese. Some people!

My boyfriends last name is KLOKOCKA (clock-och-ka).

What do I do?? I'm not totally in love with the name Wing. But Klokocka?? Urgh!

I won't do wing-klokocka, Klokocka-wing. YUCK!!

So what do you guys think? Any of you get married and wished you'd kept your own name??

Anyone think I'm being silly?? I wont be offended.

I don't know why this is soo hard. My boyfriend would like me to take his last name, and I want to be nice.................

Thanks for any advice you have to offer

shantell Jun 19, 2006

YES, I completely understand...I never liked my married name and wasn't going to change it when I got married but at the last moment I did and regretted it as soon as I did.  I'm since divorced and that was the first thing I asked my lawyer to put in my divorce decree...change my last name back.

My kids all have hyphenated names...I always felt my last name was just as good as his (better in fact...HA HA)

I have several friends who have kept their maiden names or hyphenated them if it sounded okay.   One friend's husband even changed his to the hyphenated version.

Good Luck!!!

kbonsall Jun 19, 2006

. I would never even question taking his last name, even if it was Penis or something silly like Barf, or even Butkiss. It's part of the whole "married" thing to me. Just my opinion.

OH MY I THINK I WET MYSELF LAUGHING!!!  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:

I took my hubbys last name, there was never a second thought about it... no hypening either...

sarahjane Jun 19, 2006

I took my husbands last name with no questions either (I wonder if it was something to do with my maiden name being Hercock????)

But I do have a friend who kept her own name and that seems to work as well, although these days she uses either name depending on where she is.

I must say that I think it is easier having the same last name especially if you have children.

plushkinbear Jun 19, 2006

Heather, I too took my hubby's last name.
It's hard to change name, at last for me. But now, I think of me as Kovalchouk, my marriage last name.

And another thing, is about children. Questions like why Mummy and Dady have a different names, or "adopting" your own child, cause they will have different name...etc.

Heather, you will have the most unusual last name I ever heard. 
is your boyfriend Russian?
You know it's sounds like "clock" but that "-ochka' in Russian is Diminutive-hypocoristic suffix
(not sure if I found the right word) 
:hug:

You should talk to your boyfriend :hug:

julia

SueAnn Help Advisor, Banner SponsorJun 20, 2006

When my daughter married, she and her husband both chose to hyphenate.  They are Pamela and Scott Holcomb-McLain.  Your case is more difficult, I think, since you don't like either your last name or his.  Good luck with the decision!

bearlysane Jun 20, 2006

Hi Heather,
Have you discussed this with your boyfriend at all? You may find he's not fond of it either...then the decision would be relatively simple...'cept maybe finding one you both agree on. :doh:

I had a girlfriend who was going to marry a Brian Locock, but she knew the teasing he went through at school and she wasn't about to put her children through it...so after some discussion they decided on Barrington for their new surname...sounds a bit posh!

I kept my hubby's name...bit common...and believe it or not, I have still had people ask me to spell it. Once I told them S M I FF! 

I wish you luck with your name and hope you have a happy wedding day.

Big  :hug:
Sandi

edie Jun 20, 2006

Hi Heather,
I think this is something that you will just have to decide for yourself - there is no easy answer. Now a days people do have a choice - back when I got married it was unheard of to not take your husband's name. I really would have liked to keep mine as it was so simple - "Bond" and I switched to "Barlishen" which I have to spell for everyone, but as I said it just wasn't done at the time. My husband's name is James so he could have become "James Bond" - that would have been so much better - except his dad would have disowned him!!! 
Good luck on your wedding and choosing your name!
Bear hugs, Edie

makafelts Jun 20, 2006

Well Heather...hmmm I took my hubbies last name over 37 years ago when we got married, because Des Roches was shorter & simpler than Phetteplace...but no one ever pronounces either correctly. maybe a combo of your's & his would be fun...unless he is the last of a generation & needs to carry on the name.  How about Winklok?

thumperantiques Jun 20, 2006

Hi Heather.
     We've been married 35 years this September and I was happy to change my last name from Hutchins to Power - much easier to spell.  However, lately I've been thinking how much I wish I still had my maiden name.  My brother didn't have children and my dad's brother died at 11 years old.  The name is dying out and it's sad .  I think of all the crafts I have made over the last thirty years, and signed with my married name.  I kind of wish there were just as many with my maiden name on them.  My sister re-claimed her maiden name after a divorce and refused to change it when she remarried. and my niece kept her maiden name too.  My daughter changed hers, when she married five years ago and she wishes she had kept her maiden name.  I guess you just have to make up you mind what you want.  I know, not much help either LOL!.

                                                        hugs,

                                                        Brenda

I Love Teddies Jun 20, 2006

I got married 2 years ago, and I took his last name.  It feels weird learning a new name after having a different one your whole life, and it was hard to think that I was losing my last name as the wedding got closer.  But I wanted to take his name, and I know he wanted me to take it.  It makes me feel married to have the same last name.  I don't regret not keeping my last name.  I think it's a personal choice, and everyone should do what's best for them.  Have you told your boyfriend your concerns?

toadbriar Jun 20, 2006

I kept my name. I LIKE my name! & I didn't want to deal with
messing up endorsing & signing checks etc. The artist reasons Renae
mentioned are relevant also.

But then again we did a lot of stuff with little thought to tradition: no wedding,
sterling rings from a street fair vendor, no fancy dress or shower or cake
(but churros at Disneyland!) Being married is the important wonderful thing 

I think whatever you decide to do, you'll be in good company!

Dilu Jun 20, 2006

My surname is Spencer....and it was fine being Diane Spencer until the 80's

So I was glad I took my hubbys name-but I am a lot older and that was pretty much the way it was done.  But I always liked Lundgren....

       

To his credit, at the time my hubster said I didn't have to-it was enough for him we were getting married.  Awwwww.....

However, something you didnt address-maybe someone else did?  You are an artist now.

And as an artist do you want to be Wing, Klo...., Klo....-Wing etc.  Or do you want to keep things the way they are so that your growing customer base, fan club, enthusiasts to get confused?

Just a thought

Shelli Retired Help Advisor, Banner SponsorJun 20, 2006

Interesting dilemma! 

I took my (first) husband's name when we married in 1990.  We went on to have two precious sons together and later, divorced.

I'm a teacher by training -- if not by income-producing occupation! -- and have had a lot of time in my life to witness how name changes, divorce, marriage, etc., "look" to the teacher and school.  It gets confusing when mom is "Jones" and dad is "Smith" and child is "Jones-Black" cause mom remarried.  And so on.

So I decided, after my divorce, NOT to go back to my maiden name (the much simpler GOTH), and instead, to keep my ex's name, so that I would be "aligned" or "teamed" with, and instantly recognizable as, the mother of my two sons, whose last name is HEINEMANN.  We're a great threesome in this life, we are, and a team in the truest sense.

When I remarried in 2003, I faced the name change decision again; I loooooooooooooove the last name of QUINN (my current husband) but I didn't want to be, "Shelli Quinn, mother of Toby and Noah Heinemann."  There's no connection visible there, between me and my sons.  And that visible connection is important.  To ME. 

Happily, my current husband is perfectly okay with that (he's a pretty evolved guy; a marraige and family therapist, in fact.)

Personally, I'd love to be Shelli Quinn (hubby's name)... or even Shelli Goth (maiden name)... but Shelli Heinemann has, over time, become my identity ---> as mom, and artist, and grad student, and working professional... so Shelli Heinemann it will stay.

For you, Heather, you'll have to make similar prioritizations and decisions.  I won't rain on your parade and predict divorce, like I went through... but, ya know, things happen.  So keeping that in mind, and whether or not you'll have children, and how important your "identity" as HEATHER WING is to you as it stands, today, will be important things to remember.  But only YOU can make that decision!

I know, I was no help at all.  But it's been fun revealing that yes, my maiden name is now a dress code for the marginalized.  GOTH.  Yes, indeedy!  Thank goodness it was only "Batman's home town" (Gotham City) when I was a child, and that, as a blonde-eyebrowed, pale, skin-cancer magnet of northern European descent, I look absolutely hideous in black!

Laughing here...

Good luck on your decision!

Dilu Jun 20, 2006

                       

I know, I was no help at all.  But it's been fun revealing that yes, my maiden name is now a dress code for the marginalized.  GOTH.

  :crackup:  :crackup:

Jennskains Jun 20, 2006

My maiden name was Brown.  My married name is Skains.  Can you imagine what snickers I would get with Brown-Skains?

SunnieOne Jun 20, 2006

Oh I GLADLY took my 1st husbands name. His was safe.. Miller. Mine was DILL. ... now after all those years of being called pickle.. Miller was a welcome change.   When I remarried.. I took the second hubby's name (Shaw) because my kids were pretty much grown by then. We since devorced and I kinds wished I had reverted back to Miller.. BUT.. that being said. I am a Shaw and have been for quite some time, so if I ever do remarry, I think I will be keeping Shaw. It is how I am known in the business world.
Hmmmm.. wonder if a new hubby would be gaame to change HIS name to mine?
Sonya

All Bear Jun 20, 2006

Shelli I'm totally with you on this one.  Since divorcing, I've kept my married name ... I worked hard for it over my entire adult life and think I earned it!  It's my kids' name and as with you, that's hugely important to me.  I've been 'Carter' far longer than I held my maiden name for and it would feel very peculiar to return to it.

CatS & F(u)riends by Dani Jun 20, 2006

Hi Heather!

I really understand you... I will get married in September and thought about the name a long time.
I would lie, if I say that I will not miss my name... Was my name for 28 years...
But I decided to take my boyfriend's name.
And on the other side, it makes no difference, if I have to spell his or my name. Both are not very easy. So what?  :lol:
But if I was you, I think I would keep my name. WING is very nice. I really like that name. 
It is no easy decision... 
HAve you asked your boyfriend to take your name? I know, not many men would do that, but maybe...

Beary regards,

Dani

Laniebears Jun 20, 2006

This made me smile,

I MARRIED VERY YOUNG TO MY ELDEST DAUGHTERS DAD whos name was EDWARDS
I liked that name  and loved him very much.
Sadly he died suddenly and left me a widow at the age of 24.

I MARRIED AGAIN IN HINDSIGHT VERY MUCH ON THE REBOUND (CRAZY DAYS)
To Mr Muddiman, BOY I GOT SOME STICK...
I didnt miss this name when we parted....:lol:

Im now many many years later married to;
Mr Murphy  :crackup:
BECAUSE OF ALL THE MURPHY JOKES
Which are very apt where my dear hubby is concerned
I  KEPT MY FIRST MARRIED NAME
AND OUR NEW FAMILY NAME IS EDWARDS-MURPHY
AND OUR CHILDREN ARE LITTLE EDWARDS-MURPHYS.

Heather a hypen i wouldent..

Id change my name to his...

Its so unusual but kinda nice...

YOU COULD STILL USE THE NAME YOU HAVE NOW...  FOR YOUR BEAR MAKING...

Lanie x :hug:

Amanda Jun 20, 2006

Whats in a name? Well this is an interesting topic. We kind of had a similar discussion when I was pregnant. We were not married but were probably going to, so we decided to give the baby the last name Withington. So when I did get married I changed it from Chell to Withington. I also had a brother with children so they kept up the Chell side for me. Now being older (not much wiser  ) I don't hold too much over my name, I hate the use of Mrs and tend to use my first name even in formal situations. People seem to pick up the vibes because at doctors or hospitals they tend to ask for 'Amanda' not Mrs Withington.
I like Lanie's idea of having the two names. Loads of actors use one name for marriage, personal life, then have their stage or proffesional name. Its a thought!

Another thing that happened to me was my wedding ring. I don't wear it any more. I had one as well as an engagement ring ring but I've never been a ring person and over time it stayed on the dresser more and more. They are in the safe now. Some people say its one of their most important and special possessions, but not for me. It does'nt make me less married. I always thing its your little family unit (even without kids) that is important, so toss a coin if you have to and enjoy the next chapter in your life together! :hug:

Helena Jun 20, 2006

I tried keeping my maiden name (Hyde) when I married, and managed it for about a year or so. But in certain situations my married name would come out (when people assume that you use it and call you Mrs. X)....and I just got sooooo confused about who I was!!! So I decided to change my name in the end, to avoid the confusion.

I can't tell you how many times I've signed my cheques in the wrong name!  :redface:

Mo Beary Jun 20, 2006

When I got married there was never any question about changing your name but I did regret it thousands and I do mean thousands of times.  My married name is 'BLOWES' and my maiden name was 'Meier' - see what I mean        What was I thinking!!!!   Of course there have been many jokes about my last name and our daughter took it at school as did my hubby and family.

Its funny because I never changed my SIN name until I had been married about 18 years - maybe I still wasn't sure about the change :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:

As for the Penis statement a funny story about a guy I used to work with and his last name was Penistone.  On our ID cards they only put the first 5 letters of your last name  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup: Poor guy!!!!

Jane

MerBear Jun 20, 2006

I was married 36 years ago and took my husband's name of Destounis. It was just expected although women were starting to make noises then about loss of their identity. I've never really minded although my maiden name "Beck" is certainly easier to deal with.
In Quebec women by law keep their own name - the government doesn't recognize their married names. I remember visiting my sister when she'd just had a baby - we asked for Mrs. Fanelli and they didn't have her listed - she was Ms. Beck.
If you're having qualms about changing your name - don't! No big deal these days.

WildThyme Jun 20, 2006

Oh Heather love, I feel for you!!!!  When I married the first time, at age twenty... I took my husband's name of Quartz... I thought it was pretty cool!  Though I wouldn't have to spell it for anyone, etc.... WRONG!  Say Quartz on the phone and people thing you are saying Cortes, Courts, Quarts!!!!!  I used to say, "You know... like the crystal... like a watch....." nothing but blank stares!  I was only married for something like two and a half years... so my whole "Quartz phase" was just a blink of an eye in the big scheme of things....
When I married the second time, I also took my husband's name of "Basta"

You know Heather... I really like the "Wing" name.  If you decide to take your husband's name, and their are children in the future.... you could always give one or all of your children "Wing" as a middle name?

The hypenated thing sounds appealing at first... but it really only works for a generation or so.... then it gets terribly confusing.... When Mary Smith-Brown marries John Miller-Davis... what happens?  What are their children's names?

I'm sure you already know that you have to do what feels right to you.... marriage in reality, is of course, a melding of souls .... not names.  I never thought that any name was a true indicator of who I WAS in the depths of my soul... so changing it this way or that never really meant all that much to me. 

Good luck figuring it out !   :hug:    :hug:

Kim Basta
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