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And it is breaking my heart! 
We heard the news late last night.......after trick-or-treat thank goodness, so they were still able to enjoy that......that the boys' grandfather passed away suddenly. Harold was my ex-husband's dad, and the kids absolutely loved him. He was such a good grandpa. He lived in London, but traveled here several times a year and always, always took time to spend with them. He had an immense amount of patience for the things they wanted to do........there wasn't much he wasn't game for trying.
Harold and his wife were in Morocco on yet another trip....even in their upper 70's, they still would travel all over the world: camping in the Sahara last year and the year before that canoeing down the Amazon, plus many other trips to places like India, Jordan, Egypt, Budapest, on and on. Harold was healthy and active, so this was totally unexpected. He became ill, ended up in the hospital finally, and then had a fatal, massive heart attack three hours after being admitted. At first noone thought it was anything serious, as several others had also been ill with flu like symptoms in their travel group.......so it was thought to be food poisoning. Not so for Harold. 
My boys are having such a hard time with this. Nathan, my 12 year old, tries to hide his emotions and has become very quiet and withdrawn. Last night, after their dad left, he disappeared into his room very early for him, so I went to check. He had gone to bed and was crying in the dark. Didn't want Mom to know. And Zach, my 5 year old, is having crying spells off and on. He's really having a tough time understanding that his Granddad is gone......and can't come back. Zach was up so late last night crying that I let him sleep late this morning and took him to school later on. He did want to go then, and I thought it would be better to keep him busy and his mind off of things a bit if possible. He did okay all day, then after school fell asleep on the couch, would not eat dinner, and just wanted to go to bed. I hate seeing them this way, and don't know what else to do but try to talk to both of them and comfort them as best as I can. I can hug Zach, but Nathan is NOT receptive to that anymore.
Right now, we don't know when memorial services will be. My ex's mother will be bringing Harold back to London tomorrow I think, and then he will be cremated. Then the family has to get through all the red tape to fly his remains back to the States for burial. It might be a long process................
Just needed to vent a bit as I am feeling so sad and frustrated right now. If anyone has any tips on helping children deal with grief, I would welcome it with open arms!
& :hug:
Tracy
Ruby Mountain BearsI am sorry for your loss and for your kids grief. I will pray for your family through this difficult time.
Real Deal BearsOh I really feel for your little ones.
Grandparents are so special when your young.
My deepest sympathy to you and your family.
My preys go out to you :pray: :pray: :pray: :pray:
Dear Tracy,
I just want to say how very sorry I am to hear of the loss.
Grandparents are so special and how hard it must be for your children.
My deepest condolences to your family and pray that they can be comforted by all
the good and special times they have had with their Grandfather.
Hugs
Carolyn
:hug: :hug: :hug:
Apple Dumpling DesignsOh honey I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My own children lost one of their grandfathers almost 8 years ago after a long difficult battle with pancreatic cancer. The best advice I could possible give you is to just listen, talk, tell happy stories, let them know it's okay to cry, be angry, be scared and just in general FEEL whatever it is that they are feeling. Keep the communication open at all times...sometimes it's hard but remember to take care of YOU too.
Hugs,
Shantell
Delartful BearsOh dear, I am so so sorry :hug: Keep strong for them - they'll need you.
You are a great Mum - just be there for them, there's not much else you can do.
It'll get easier for them.
Danni
Chaska, MinnesotaDear Tracy: I am so sorry to hear about the loss you and your children are going through....all the behaviors you described is normal. They will cry and it is o.k. Encourage them to talk about their grandpa and remember stories and times they spent with him. This is part of the grieving process. I strongly recommend you contact their school guidance counselor and get their advice as well. They are a great resource when a parent is wondering what to do. They probably have reading materials for parents when helping their children deal with the death of a family member.
Another idea is to contact your heath insurance company. Most of the big companies have educational materials they can send you to give you ideas on how to help your children and family through this tough time. These are wonderful resources. If you are having trouble getting information to help your kids, let me know and I can send you the information.
Many prayers for you and your children
Bear Hugs
Michelle
DoodlebearsOh Tracy first let me say how sorry I feel for your family loss. I think the children will find it tough for quite a while yet so just let them do whatever necessary to help them through this very sad time in their lives, especially Nathan as he is at an age where he will understand far more than Zach. Don't forget to take care of yourself Tracy as you need to be strong for yourself and your boys.
Hugs Jane. :hug: :hug: :hug:
Patsy Lake BearsTracey I am so sorry to hear of your family loss. You can only be there for the children when they need you. It is dreadful to see your own hurting so much and know that you can't do anything to make it better for them... sending hugssss :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
Patsy Lake BearsTracey I am sorry to hear of your family loss. I guess you can only be there for the children when they need you. It is dreadful to see your children hurting Tracey and know that there is nothing you can do to make it better.
Pumpkin & Pickle BearsTracy, it must be so difficult for you all. Sending lots of hugs your way..... :hug: :hug: :hug:
Matilda Huggington-beareTracy I am really sorry to hear of your loss. I have no advice for you, sorry :hug:
just be ready with the hugs that your eldest will be needing as soon as he realises it.
They have a lot to think over and no hindsight to turn to for help poor wee loves. I'm sending hugs your way :hug: :hug: :hug:
Tracy,
I'm really sorry to hear of your family's loss.
I lost both of my grandmothers when I was a child. I was very close to one inparticular who died when I was about 14, and although it was 10 years ago, I can still remember the feelings very well. I got through it by talking about her with my Mum (whose mother it was). I felt better in a strange way when I saw that my Mum was also grieving, as I knew it was ok for me to feel the same. We got through it together, and although I don't think you ever truly get over losing a loved one, it does get easier. As the shock wears off, your eldest son may feel like he can talk about it. I remember that the biggest impact for me was when I saw my grandfather, without my grandmother there, so this may 'help' your youngest son come to terms with it, when he sees his grandmother without his grandfather, and can see the reality of somebody passing away.
I guess you just have to remember that everyone deals with grief in different ways, and although it may not feel like it now, there will come a time when your boys can talk about their grandfather and smile. I hope this is some comfort to you.
Take care. :hug:
LutonHi There Tracey,
I was also 12 years old when I lost my grandmother (my Mum's Mum) and I was so upset. I knew she was in hospital but thought that she was going to get better. I was very upset. Mum told me and we always talked about her. My Mum was upset but at the time had other things going on that were also very stressful. Si I never really saw her grieve.
But Mum and I talked about her and again I think the biggest shock was seeing my Grandad without her as they were always together.
Funny thing is my Mum and I talk about her all the time and all the things she did and my Grandad is still here and is doing well. I always think about her but now its with a smile. She should still be here as she was only in her 60's when she died.
But time is a great healer!!
My advice hug your youngest and for your older boy talk to him when he wants too about it all and answer any questions that he has!!!
Los of hugs to your boys
Claire
Hearts Ease Bearsfor me..when i lost loved ones .(my grandmother died on nov 1st massive heart attatck) and some beloved great aunts and uncles i miss to this day ( im 50) .. a tangible way to feel they were still witth me helped...a sweater..a ring..a special coin...some small thing i could carry that i could touch and make me feel i had contact..or a memorial that you could make together with some connection to him..did they go to the zoo with him? sponsor an animal in his name..make a bear with some piece of his clothing incorporated..create a garden ith his favorite plants.. whatever they connect with him..you are in our prayers and the love you have for your kids and the love their grandparents have for you all will get you through,,he would want that wouldnt he? my deepest sympathy deb ps i was a quiet child too and they will handle it in their own way
Posts: 2,203I'm sorry! Hugs to your kids!
SanguineCreationsSo sorry for your loss.
The local libary, some times have some really good childrens books, on loss and grief. It might be worth a look.
BruinwerksI'm so sorry for your family's loss Tracey. It's so hard to watch your children in pain and know that its a part of life that you can't shield them from. My son who is almost 11 has a really hard time showing how he really feels in front of others. He is really artistic though and he finds doing something creative helps him 'process' all the conflicting emotions. Maybe your kids could try a memory book or even a scrapbook page where they could put pics and keepsakes and write down their stories.
I wish you peace today,
Cheryl
Bears by EdieSo sorry to hear of your loss, Tracy, and how your boys are grieving. Lots of good advice on here already. Encourage the boys to talk about their grandpa and keep all the good memories alive - sometimes people feel like they can't talk about someone after they die, or bring the subject up, and that just makes it harder. If this is the first close death they are experiencing they will be quite confused about their feelings and unsure how to handle it.
Tracy, I'm so sorry for your loss. That sounds so inadequate, but it's true. I'm just plain sorry for the hurt and change of it all.
I'm not personally that familiar with death; my grandparents had all died by the time I reached a conscious age and my parents are still alive. So I feel ineffective in offering sympathies, even when they are heartfelt. My husband, though, is well acquainted with loss. His sister died of brain cancer, his mother of liver cancer, his father of comlications from Alzheimers and a hip fracture, his uncle of colon cancer. He lost a nephew to a tragic motorcycle accident at a very young age. He's had clients who ultimately commited suicide.
I thought to write him this morning with your unique circumstances because I know how, when our kids hurt, we just want to MAKE IT BETTER. I sent him a link to this post and asked for his thoughts.
Here's what he wrote back, from the perspective of having very much been there personally, and from the perspective of a therapist well experienced in dealing with, and in helping others deal with, death and mourning.
I hope it's of help and comfort to you. 
I read this post, and browsed the responses. I think that most people's responses were good and helpful. The only thing that I would say to her would be to take care of her own feelings, and also to normalize this event. It's very sad when people who mean so much to us die, and yet it is a part of life, and we will move on. So reassuring the kids that this does not mean that they will die soon, and that their mother won't die soon, would be a good thing. Also, in my opinion, they ought to participate in memorial services in some way.
Obviously, this has some resonance with me ;-)
I remember when my grandpa died--I was 20, and even then it took the breath out of my lungs. I sorta worshiped him.
Tracy,
I'm afraid I don't have any tips for you......only hugs. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: They're sincere and warm and BIG.
Thinking of you and your family, :hug:
Aleta
Wild Thyme OriginalsTracy... I am just so sorry. While we haven't had very many instances of loss yet in my immediate family, so I'm unable to really give much advice... My heart goes out to you and the young ones especially. I understand the difficulty of children your oldest's age... especially boys... it's hard to know what to do when hugs and kisses just don't fix it any more. You and your family are in my prayers.
Kim Basta
:hug: Wow.......you gals are amazing! I am sitting here after reading all these posts with tears in my eyes. But not sad tears......more of appreciation. Thank you. I would give you all a big, watery hug now if I could. :hug: :hug: All the advice and expressions of sympathy and understanding are so very much appreciated. :hug: :hug:
Both of the boys were quite a bit better this morning. I think the long sleep Zach had really helped him.....he had a bounce in his step again today. And Nathan wasn't nearly so quiet and somber either. He sure talked a huge amount last night. To me, Darren, on the phone to his dad, and then another call to my mother. He talked to my mom for over an hour.......about his granddad and just anything else he could think of too. I think just he needed to talk, period.........he normally doesn't say much of anything these days.....pre-adolescence, you know. 
My mom has always been the one he goes to when he is upset. I'm glad he has that relationship with her........everyone needs someone 'safe' like that. Tonight Nathan is staying with her after the football game (it's the first playoff game. Our boys are undefeated, and Nathan is sooo excited about going). That's good........it's a good time to be with Grandma. I hope Zach does better tonight. Since he'll be with us without his brother, I can really concentrate on him tonight. He has so many questions....still trying to make sense of it all. I've talked with him about Heaven and what happens when someone dies. He is absorbing this.....slowly. Last night when he went to bed he announced to me that "Granddad is an angel now. I can't see him anymore, but he sees me" . That's a start.
This is the first time anyone close to the boys has passed away. It's tough on them, and me too as I have to try to do the right thing for them, and this time I just wasn't sure what to do. I really appreciate all the advice I received here.......it sure helps to point me in the right direction. Thanks again, all of you!!
& :hug:
Tracy
PS--I love the idea of making a memory bear for each of the boys. I didn't think of that! :doh: When their dad goes to England to help his mom, I will ask him to bring back something of Harold's that I can use for their bears. Something that will mean 'Granddad' to them........
Hi Tracy!
I´m really sorry and I sure know how it feels. My uncle passed away recently and even though I am a "big girl" it hurts.
But anyway, maybe I have two sweet bears to send to your two boys..it´s always nice to get unexpected mail from far away, isn´t it 
it´s just an idea how to cheer your boys up a little. Might be stupid, dunno...
Just Us BearsTracey...I'm so sorry. I am also in a position where my kids haven't really lost anyone close to them yet and I dread the time when it comes, as it will. We hurt so badly when our kids hurt and we just wish we could make it all go away. It's always complicated more when we are in pain too...but you can take comfort in each other. I think the memory bears are a great idea too, when you are ready, and may be therapeutic for you too. Sounds like the talking may have been what the boys needed most at this stage. I know my 15 year old is less receptive to motherly affection and comfort now than he was when he was younger....sad that...but he won't brush my hand aside if I rub his arm or squeeze his shoulder as I walk past. Just little things so he knows you want to comfort him.
What wonderful memories Harolds wife will have of all those trips. They were very lucky to have their health in their later years and use it to explore the world together instead of sitting home like most people their age. I'm sure Grandma will have some fabulous stories to tell the boys about Grandad's adventures when the time is right.
Thinking of you all, :hug:
