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Vermont Harvest PrimitivesI need a little advice/help.....I work as a cosmetologist 3 days a week and the rest of the time I am a Folk Artist/Bear Maker. Why is it that unless you work outside your home...people don't look at what you are doing as....WORK....
I have a show coming up in a little over a week. I have been working like crazy to get stuff done. My family just doesn't seem to get it. They seem to think that due to the fact that I am home...and not working at the salon...APPARENTLY....THAT IS MY "REAL JOB"(.... I am assuming this is how they look at it....as this is how they act......most of the time....)that I am at everyones beck and call.......why does everyone think that because there are no set hours and a set weekly paycheck...that this is just a hobby???
How does everyone organize their time to get everything done....meals/laundry/housecleaning....WORK....etc...etc....etc.....and try to find time to enjoy your family and spend time with them......I also get the constant calls from family....on my days off from the salon..."Hey...can you cut my hair"....argh....it is so frustrating...
I feel terrible....for venting like this...this is not something that I usually do...I think all this pressure is getting to me or something. I can not figure out how to manage all this and not go crazy.
ANY ADVICE/HELP....I WOULD GREATLY APPRECIATE IT.
TAKE CARE
doreen
Hi Doreen, 
My advise is going to sound a little harsh and it's not meant to be that way. It's hard to convey this in a post...but here goes anyway. You need to learn to say "no".....and "I'm sorry I can't talk with you now. I'm working." Unless you treat it like a job and mean business, they won't take you seriously.
This comes from experience. Heaps of experience.
Warmest bear hugs, :hug:
Aleta
Newcastle, OntarioHi Doreen,
My answer comes for years of trying to deal with a friend that "didn't get it" even when I said "i'm working", sooooo when we moved, hubby and I talked about it and we got an unlisted phone number. Only our son and daughter have it and one or two very carefully chosen people. We've made it clear, if they give it to other people, we will have the number changed and they won't get it next time. All of our other family has our email and we stay in touch that way, and I do call them when I have the time. I explained it to everyone and all is fine with them. The best bonus of all is we haven't had one telemarketer call since we unlisted the number and that is heaven!!!
hugs,
Brenda
Newcastle, OntarioI agree - we can't be all things to all people. When we try, we end up being really unhappy with ourselves. The book that Toby mentioned sounds like one I read called "Control Theory" and it basically said we can't control what other people do, we can only control how we react to their actions. I couldn't control all the annoying phone calls, so I chose a way to stop them, and I don't consider it being selfish - it's survival. I do most of my work in the evening and into the wee hours of the morning. Even when our number was listed, everyone that knows me, got the message reaaalllly fast that you never, ever call me before noon.
I would simply tell your family that you are no longer available for errands or whatever it is that they want you to do. You can do it very nicely and just stand your ground. If they call, and you have call display then don't answer it or better still - turn your phone off when you are working. They will get the hint after a few unanswered calls. Good luck and keep us posted.
PS: I don't answer my door when I'm working either!
hugs,
Brenda
Vermont Harvest PrimitivesThank you all for your great advice. I have to say, a lot of this IS my fault. I do have the problem of not being able to say no to people....I don't know when exactly this happened....I use to be able to say no and let people deal with it.....
Aleta...you are so right....YOU ALL ARE....i need to treat this as a job and make regular work hours and just pretend that I am not home.
I must say though....the biggest culprits of this situation are my husband, daughter and son..(actually..not my son so much....)this whole thing blew up today as a result of my daughter...who is 20..thinking she needed her hair cut today....when she knows darn well I have this show in a week....and when it didn't happen she was annoyed and I was mad.....but also felt guilty...I KNOW THAT'S CRAZY.....but....i did. That is my biggest issue I guess....I feel guilty for not being able to accomplish everything and keep up with everything....the real thing here is...I am mad at myself ......
Alright... I must be going now...my break is over..back to work.....
Take care and thank you all very much for your help and support
Doreen
Just Us BearsDoreen, you have my sympathy. If I were you, I'd be tempted to hand your daughter some cash and suggest that just this once, someone else be trusted to cut her hair. Possibly unthinkable to her, I know 
Posts: 8,574In fact, in my little world, not answering the phone IS part of the constitution....pursuit of happiness.......
I don't have a cell phone either...haven't a clue what a blackberry is, unless its the wild stuff I collect for jam...... :crackup:
I figure phones are for MY convience and use them that way....so I screen just about every call unless I have a feeling its Renae..... 
Kiprie BearsHi Doreen,
I'm sorry that you have to feel
this stress just before your big day. 
My husband also didn't understand why
I want to create a bear....It took me 4years to confess him that " this is my dream job" and
I'll die if I can't make bears. :pray:
I teched him about history of teddy bear and
told him difference of Manufacture bears and Artist bears. I don't know if he understood my
passion but now he does little house work for me and he comes to a bear show with me.... :)
I'm working 5days a week so I can make only 1 or 2bears a month.(I'm so slow)
I make my "bear schedule" for each month
and give to my husband so he'll know when I'm busy and when I'm not.
I hope this will work out for you too. :hug:
if you don't mind, I can e-mail to your family
and tell them " please let Doreen make her bears
" with long letter in Japanese because I can't write a long ltter in English....oops 
As Hayley said, , I hope your sweet daughter doesn't mind getting hair cut at some one you can trust.....but I do understand her, isn't all children think that "you" are top priority in mom's heart ?
I was like that and thought that mom will do anything at anytime for you because
mom has the MAGICAL hands. 
Good luck for the bear show and
please remember to show off your bears and
let us know about your show. :hug:
hugs
Marie
Past Time BearsBest of luck in getting your priorities in order, Doreen.
Back Road BearsSome great advice.
I wonder if the boundaries principles can work in the reverse. I can't say no to myself. I can't say "No, you don't need to call mom right now, you need to work." I can't say no when my best friend who lives next door asks me to babysit for an hour. I can't say no to the phone when it rings. I'm one of those people who HAS to answer it. 
I can't stand it when it just keeps ringing. 
I can't say no when I get a long email from someone I haven't heard from in a while and want to respond with an email equally as long. I need to build a wall to keep myself IN during business hours! 
I like the idea of a work schedule, posted for family (and for myself!)..... I think I'll give that another try.
Newcastle, OntarioDaphne, "YES" the boundaries thingy can work in reverse. I do it all the time. I just tell myself I can't check my email unless I have a certain amount of work accomplished. I'm madly working on three piieces for Bearpaths next show, and that's how I get things done. No worky - no playtime LOL! That's why I only make sporadic posts right now - only so much you can respond to in my "10 minute" break time.
Toby , the book I read was phenomenal. It rescued my relationship with our daughter. I didn't like some things she was doing and it upset me. After reading the book, I simply told her I did not want to know what she was up to AND I would only give advice IF it was asked, but then she had better stand back, cuz she would get an earful. I abide by the same principal to this day, and we often laugh about it now. Sarah will ask for advice and I will ask "are you sure you want to know? LOL! I also asked her to stop bringing boyfriends home - we got waaay to attached and then she'd dump them. That was hard for her to swallow, but much easier for us. Once she was engaged and we knew he was a keeper, we lifted the boundaries. It's really pretty simple once you start to put it into practice for day to day living.
Dilu - Hurray for another person who screens their calls - ain't it grand LOL!
hugs,
Brenda
Posts: 3,177Ah Doreen you poor thing :hug:
Tell them you are busy and let them all get on with it! Sounds harsh but let's face it - you are working and if you keep giving in and doing stuff for them they are never gonna take you seriously when you tell them this. They are just gonna think that mum is'nt really working just playing around with crafty things. Maybe if you tell them how much money some bear artists make it will open their eyes to the idea that you could make big bucks.
As for housework chores - stuff it! If the family don't like the carpets dirty they can run the vacuum over them for a change huh?
When people call you up wanting their hair cut tell them "Yeah sure, but you will have to pay me double the rate cos i will have to halt my bear making and time is money" or if that does'nt work simply tell them to "Bugger Off I'm Busy"
Make a stand, stick to it and don't be taken for granted, they'll survive the shock of mum saying 'No' - they won't like it but hey! tough!
:crackup:
REMEMBER.................you don't actually have to do everything
Penny :hug:
