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TamiL Feb 15, 2007

Marriage (Part I )

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and

after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time

I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.

I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless

I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.

I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing

when I want with my old buddies, and don't you

give me a hard time about it.

Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said:

"No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex

here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not."

(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)

************************************************

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone

that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!"

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone

that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

*****************************************

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no

good in bed either," and storms out of the house.

After some time he realizes he was nasty and

decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband

says, "What took you so long to answer to the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)

*****************************************

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his

wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it is time to go home

and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts

at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,

shouts right back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

*****************************************

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home

and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife

to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece

of paper,"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it

was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he

noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

*****************************************

God may have created man before woman, but there

is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

************** ***************************

Bonnie Feb 15, 2007

:crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:

Thanks Tami, I needed a good laugh!

Laurie Feb 15, 2007

:crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:
Laurie :hug:

teddylinks Feb 16, 2007

"God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece."

Robert Burns, the famous Scottish poet said something very similar to that "His Apprentice hand he tried on man an' then he made the lassies".

Loved the jokes, here's another!

Jack was engaged to be married to Jill.

The day before the wedding, his father sat him down for a little
fireside chat. "Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in
our honeymoon suite, I took off my trousers and handed them to your mother
and said, "Here try these on. So she did and then told me, "These are
too big. I can't wear them." So I told her, 'Exactly. I wear the trousers
in this family and always will.' Ever since that night we have never had
any problems.

Jack thinks that this might be a good thing to try, so on his wedding
night Jack takes off his trousers and says to Jill, "Here try these on."
She does and says, "These are too large; they don't fit me."

Following the script, Jack then says, "Exactly, I wear the trousers in this
family and I always will, and I don't want you to ever forget that." In
response, Jill takes off her panties and hands them to Jack and says,
"Here, you try on mine." He does and says, "I can't get into your panties."

She replies, "Exactly. And if you don't change your attitude, you never will!"

Steven