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Stitch Mar 7, 2007

This is just too funny not to pass along.  If you have read it before,

read it again and laugh.  Sorry guys, you might not think its funny, but

it really is!!!

Cat Lover or Not, this is hysterical!

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top

this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate

my excuse,

I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the

truth

was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a

head injury,

and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I

reasoned, I could

think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The

accident

occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute

little kitty.

Initially, the new acquisition was no problem

.

Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my

wife,

Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower

pitter-patter

and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me

in?" There

was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged

nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as

extremely cowardly.

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find

the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.

No, it

wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It

was our

new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied

hanging

between my legs She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I

reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most

vulnerable,

she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her

needle-like

claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements,

blindly

rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten

hanging from my

masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men,

in this

predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience.

I was

fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and

forcefully

impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are

not many things in this life worse than finding onese lf lying on the

kitchen

floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that"

paramedics.

Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all

snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying

to

suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in

to

the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about

my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about,

which it was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"

If they only knew!

Why is it that only the women laugh at this?

MerBear Mar 7, 2007

:crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:
still laughing here but I can understand that my husband won't find it as funny!

Marion

makafelts Mar 7, 2007

:crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:

Hugs &

kathytaylor Mar 7, 2007

Okay needed that.  :crackup:    :crackup: