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LutonA few true stories from the U.S. of A
Think before you speak...
Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the words back...
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and
three kids in tow and asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
My husband didn't say a word...
he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said ,
"I think I like playing with men's balls."
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon,
my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
"right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and
said in a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard as
the door closed behind me,
were screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training
and I was on him constantly
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
in between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter,
and she was clean.
Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".
I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident,
and I don't have any clean clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse.
So, I asked one more time,
"Danny, did you have an accident?"
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An older couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This one had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow, but don't get any?
We had a female news anchor who,
the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!
Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh,
and remember...
we all say things we don't really mean, so think before you speak!!
Charlotte Des Roches Designs:crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:
Hugs &
Real Deal Bears:crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:
That last one is a dooozy!!!! :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:
Thanks for posting, they made my day :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:
DoodlebearsOh Boy!
Hugs Jane. :redface: :redface: :redface:
BEAR ME SHOOTKAMy Godness! thank you for the laugh! :crackup:
Only English could allow such hilarious mistakes :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:
hugs, Julia
Waggle BearsToo, too funny. Thanks. :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:
Matilda Huggington-beareI'm crying tears of laughter!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
:crackup: :crackup:
you can garantee I will spread this around :crackup:
Wendy :dance:
sewing starsthose were great!! thanks!! 
Bears by Jodi
Storytime BearsOMG this is so funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love the nuts story
:crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:
Luxembears:crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:
Thanks for sharing these. I am always in the mood for a good laugh.
I have a personal story to lend to this topic.
I was traveling one weekend with my mom and step father who were looking at buying a home in Green Bay Wisconsin.
We stopped at a roadisde resturaunt for a bite to eat. Since I am a diabetic I need to test my blood sugar before eating. My blood sugar had been running a bit higher than normal that day so I decided if it was too elevated I would wait and eat later. My mom and step dad were waiting to be seated in a crowded waiting area while I went into the bathroom to check my blood sugar.
When I rejoined them in the waiting area my mother said in a loud voice,
"So, are you too high to eat.?" Of course she was referring to my blood sugar but the looks that shot my way were , well , embarrassing...so I replied in a louder than normal volume to save myslef, , "No mom, my BLOOD SUGAR is not too high to eat lunch right now." Phew!
Here's another one.
Toddlers really do say the funniest things.
My four-year-old son came with me into the changing room at Kolhs so I could try on a few items of clothing. There were several other people also using the changing room when my son blurted out, "Mom! I can see your boobies!" :redface: :redface: :redface: :redface: :redface: It's time to leave Joey at home next time I go shopping.
:crackup: :crackup:
I have a true story about a girl who came in to get her hair done for a ball...she was all a bit pleased with herself because she was going with her newish boyfriend to this prestigious 'do'...all puffed up with pride she said...'it's going to be really good because he's in the army ..and they have really big balls in the army....'
I 'll bet they do.....
Tami Eveslage Original Teddy BearsThose are great. I have a couple of funny embarassing moments to share too.
The first one was mine. I was at a baby shower for my cousin and one of the gifts she received was a box with a child sized, authentic looking soccerball, football, and basketball. I thought that is would be a great Christmas gift for my then two year old son. So I asked my cousin who the gift was from. She said it was from her dad. As I was leaving the shower, I passed her dad who was smoking on the porch. I said "Hey, I'd like to know where you got that set of balls!" He just gave me a puzzled smirk and my sister in law said "Tami, I don't think that came out right..." I laughed the whole way home.
My drawing instructor shared a funny one the other day. He said two girls in his class were showing each other how they could hyper-extend their elbows. Wanting them to end the chatter and get back to drawing he said, just as another instructor had entered the room, "OK girls, lets compare body parts after class!"
