Banner Sponsors
For artists and collectors sponsored by Intercal...your mohair supplier and Johnna's Mohair Store
A blonde was on vacation and driving through Darwin. She desperately
wanted to take home a pair of genuine crocodile shoes but was very
reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude
of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "well then, maybe I'll
just go out and catch my own crocodile, so I can get a pair of shoes
for free"!
The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "little lady, just go
and give it a try"!
The blonde headed out toward the river, determined to catch a
crocodile!
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to
the side of the bank where he spots the same young woman standing
waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he spots a huge 3 meter croc swimming rapidly toward her.
With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it
onto the slimy banks of the river.
Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their
backs. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement.
The blonde struggled and flipped the croc onto its back. Rolling her
eyes heavenward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts
out.......
"Sh**! Sh**! Sh**! This one's barefoot, too"!
An old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time decided to dress up and go out.
The old woman went into her bedroom, stripped naked and tied a lemon between her legs.
When she came out, the old man cried, "You can't go out like that!"
She said, "I can go anyway I like and so can you."
Whereupon he retired to the bedroom and came out stark raving naked with a potato tied to his tallywhacker.
The old woman says, you're going out like that?"
And he replies, "Yep, if you can go as a sour-puss, I can go as a dick-tator.
A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits.
She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help.
She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery ."
Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.
She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.
Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car.
My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You.
PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open.
The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself....
"Sweetheart, work with Me on this. Buy a ticket."
I went to the gym last night, they got this well ace machine there.
I used it for an hour before it made me sick.
It's great though, does everything...
mars, snickers, twix.... 
Mountain Dreamer Bears
Thanks for the laugh!
Matilda Huggington-beare:crackup: The barefoot crocs was a bit of a surprise :crackup:
Doodlebears:crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:
So funny, I nearly choked laughing when I read the second one, I just imagined two wrinkly old people standing starkers, oh so funny, great British humour!
Hugs, Jane. 
