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Haus of Bears, Inc.My Husband suddenly decided I am too "YOUNG"" ( haha ) for him, and he wants a Divorce!
I am only 12 Years "younger" than he is, ( 51)
I felt like a bullet hit me, completely unespected, he told everybody in his Family, Friends and at Work, then he finely decided to tell me.
He came up with all kind of other excuses
Now I done some digging and, of course, he found someone else, possibly over the Internet.
He hidens and shredds the Phone Bills, the Credit Card Bills and what not all.
His last "Business Trip" was a Visit to her place.
When I confronted him, he denies everything and told me it was a High School friend, and he saw no reason to tell me about her.
I am soo down right now, I dont know what to do.
In my age, how can I find a Job to support myself?? I just closed my Store a couple of month ago,and , oh, I dont know, I am so confused what to do next
Rita
Delartful BearsOh Gee, Rita!!!!!!!! I have been wondering where you have gotten to.
Firstly, sorry to hear you closed your shop.. How horrible.
I'm very sorry to hear about your divorce! It must be a terribly difficult thing to go through, especially the way it's happened.
I know oyu probably don't want to hear this right now, but Rita, you are better without a man like that!! :hug:
We are all here for you! :hug: :hug: :hug:
Good luck for the future!
Danni
DoodlebearsOh Rita sweetheart my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry to read your news. I know just how hard this will be for you my friend. This is just what happened to a girlfriend of mine. I'm please to say that she is now settled and enjoying her new found freedom. I can't obviously, fully understand how your emotions are right now I only wish I could come over and give you a great big hug. Your husband was very cowardly to not tell you first, maybe he thought he'd feel strength from telling others first, maybe he had the mad notion that they would back him up...who knows. Do you have someone there that you can talk with and have moral support . I really feel for you Rita. I know it's not much but here's
a (((((((((((((((BIG HUG))))))))))))))))))))))))) from me. Email me anytime.
Jane
Haus of Bears, Inc.Thanks Danni,
It feels good to "talk" about it. I had never any time to find Friends, it always was work, either at the shop, remodeling the House, or keeping up the Garden
Rita
Hey Rita...you CAN get through this. I went through a really horrible one in 1987 when my children were both quite small. It all came out in the wash...all the nasty, pathetic things that men do when they think they can get away with it...But they aren't all like that...we just weren't one of the lucky ones!!
But there is life afterwards..and a better one too. I had absolutely nothing as I worked with him in our family business...but I just tried to be better than he thought I could be....and 18 years down the line I have found happiness with a great bloke ... a successful business...a new 'career' with my bearmaking...I have a grand-child (and another one due in 4 weeks...!!!!)...lots of friends ...All down to what I did with my life from the day we split.
Most of it I would never have done if we'd stayed together...I learned photography and worked on some really good projects..I did a teaching qualification and taught in a college, did umpteen ( that means 'loads of') courses...and now I look back and think that my life has been better because of it.
You won't be thinking that now...and I know how low you feel...and the only way I got through it is to decide that each day can and will be better than yesterday was...and by talking about it ..to any one who'd listen.
Chin up!!!
So sad to hear your news Rita. I've been through divorce myself. All I can say is that you will go through some very tough emotional stuff, but believe me, you will come out stronger the other end. The first year is the worst ... that's all about survival, but you'll surprise yourself by getting through it and facing each of the challenges as they present themselves. Take them one at a time ... just a day at a time, or even an hour at a time if that's how things are for you.
I've been on my own for five years now and my twenty year marriage almost seems a hazy memory most of the time. Life is about now and what's to come, not yesterday - that's done.
Take care.
There you go Rita...that's 3 of us already in the 'club'...
Jenny
Haus of Bears, Inc.This is my 2nd marriage, the first one beat me half to death, til I could not take it anymore.
His last beating was in my friends house. Her kids where even there when he beat me and choked me til I passed out.
He wanted me always home, could not have friends.
In Germany where I met him, he was nice, then we came over here, and he started beating me.
He also made sure I had no money, he did not paid the rent or utilitys, so I had to pay for everything.
After the Divorce and a couple years later I met my 2nd Husband ( this one), he was the nicest Person you could find, and I thought everything was fine.
We hardly ever argued, maybe once or twice a Year, and then everything was fine
Now he turns on me too.
I think I must do something wrong
Rita
Bears-a-Bruin!{{{{{Rita}}}}}
DoodlebearsOh Rita it's not you that's doing something wrong honey. Please don't blame yourself. Your husband is the one with the wandering eyes, feet etc. From speaking to you hear and reading your messages I feel that you are a warm loving person and you have nothing to blame yourself for. You poor darling having to suffer the physical abuse from your first husband. You were well rid of that evil beast. Take time to recover and as I said before email me if you want a private chat.
Jane
Haus of Bears, Inc.thank you all so much for letting me talk about it.
It helps to get it off my chest. I cannot quit crying right now, it came too sudden.
If I where 10 Years younger, it might not been so bad, but now,I just dont know where and what Job I get in such a hurry. The Money I made, went either into the shop, or Remodeling his House. He already had the House before we got married, and, for some strange reason, he owes more on it than it is worth.
How that came about, I dont know.
And I also dont know the Laws over here, can he just put me out on the street? With no place to go and no money in my pocket?
Rita
There must be some kind of Citizens Advice Bureau where you live..like the kind of thing we have here...they can usually give free advice on legal aspects. I am sure he can't put you out on the streets...you do have rights. But for peace of mind you need to find all this out...I don't know if the Samaritans is a world wide organisation but when my marriage split up I called them up because they put me in touch with people who can help.
You need to start to feel better about yourself and a start would be to make in-roads into finding out your rights.
I totally empathise....
Jenny
Rita, first things first. Find a local solicitor (do they call them solicitor's out there? Maybe I should say lawyer?) and get some legal advice. You'll feel more in control of your life once you know what how you stand legally. If you can't face a lawyer, then I suggest an organisation like our 'Citizen's Advice Bureau'. Do you have a similar body over there? In the UK their advice is given without charge and in the early stages of things, they are very helpful. I'm sure your local phone book will help you out with numbers and addressses.
Try not to let everything pile on top of you. Take a few small steps towards taking a little control back. It'll make things much less frightening I'm sure.
Nova Scotia,CanadaDear Rita.I have to run off to school and can't read all the responses right now but biggest hugs to you. Please make sure you talk to someone and don't be afraid to seek help to deal with this, you can't go through this alone.We are all here for you and love you.You are very strong to have survivied and gotten away from the first marriage.Stay strong. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
Oh Rita how horrible! I'm so sorry :hug:
Bear Paws by RoxanneDear Rita,
I am so sorry to hear this. I know that this is a very difficult time for you right now. Had you been married very long? I hope that he is not so cold hearted that he would toss you out so suddenly.
We will all have you in our thoughts and prayers.
Wild Thyme OriginalsRita.... first of all, BIG HUGE hugs to you!!! :hug: I am so sorry!
Secondly.... don't let this guy walk all over you financially. You DO have rights.... he can't just put you out in the street. Run, don't walk, to Legal Aid.... Generally that's what we call a 'Citizen's Advice Bureau' here in the States. Though you must just be emotionally devestated right now... there are papers that can be filed with the court system to protect you financially and personally. Legal Aid lawyers work for reduced rates... or sometimes free... and you may even be able go after HIM for any attorney's fees you incurr.
Beary trul yours,
Kim Basta
Wild Thyme Originals
Kim-Bee BearsYou need to see a lawyer, most will offer their first consultation free. If you cant afford an attorney, call your local bar association or courthouse, actually, they can recommend an attorney to you if you can afford one. My parents got divorced when I was 18 - they were married 25 years. My mom told me not to tell my younger siblings (she didnt want to upset them) but she told me that my dad had been beating her for years. Actually, me asking him if it was true was the reason he called off my wedding the first time and refusing to pay for any of it. It is a tough thing to go through. My sister-in-law is also going through a divorce right now and it has been tough on her and her kids (she is only 26).
Just remember that you always have us to talk to. Even though we cannot be there for you physically, we will try to help you out.
Make sure you talk to an attorney and if he does file divorce papers, dont sign them UNTIL you talk to an attorney to make sure he isnt ripping you off.. I dont mean to sound "rude" or anything but you need to make sure you are covered as far as the house and things. Also, you may be able to get alimony...
Just do call an attorney - I am so sorry to hear your news and hope that I have helped out a little bit....
:hug:
Back Road BearsRita,
My heart goes out to you and I fully understand how much this hurts as I've lived it first hand. It hurts like hell.. hurts your heart and your sef esteem and your trust and shatters your world. And the older we get the harder it is to pick up the pieces, or so it seems. I was 28 when it happened to me and only married a few years. I know it would be harder for me now to move on, though I've toughened up a bit over the years.
Having said all that.... You are not that old! You can certainly find a job to support yourself and that #$%^ husband of yours is going to pay alimony cause you are going to make him. And, as he committed adultry and is the one leaving he'd better be leaving plenty of your material possessions to you. He should also be paying all legal fees. You will get the better end of the deal in the end. No question.
And life will go on, give it time but it will. You'll enjoy your freedom, your second chance at life. I'm sure there are things you've wanted to do... if only.... so your chance is coming. Once you get sorted through the legalities and give your heart and head a chance to accept and deal with this, you'll be ok.
Feel free to email me if you want to chat. There is always strength in numbers and friends can sometimes be the best medicine. That and time.
Have patience, keep a level head when dealing with the legalities and cry when you need to.
We're here for you, Rita!
:hug: :hug: :hug:
Daphne
MerBear OriginalsRita - please run, don't walk, to either a lawyer or Legal Aid for advice. You have more rights than you think. As Kim says, don't sign anything your husband presents you with until you have legal advice. I've worked for close to 20 years in a law firm in Canada and unfortunately am no longer surprised by these circumstances but I can emphasize with your pain. You may want to see your doctor as well to see if you need help.
Hugs,
Marion
Posts: 8,574Rita,
Even though you feel like someone just tore out your heart and stomped on it NOW is not the time to allow yourself to sink into a depression.
If you do you will damage yourself for years to come. Get out the phone book and look up divorce attorneys. Call your girl friends, find out who they used.
You could hurt yourself incredably by not gutting this out-and taking care of yourself.
You need to check all the accounts- set one up for yourself today! TODAY! Your name only- no joint account.
Get some of your joint money in it NOW
Do you have a safety deposit box, stocks, bonds whatever.... You may need an injunction against him selling off your joint assetts
Oh I know-he would never.....but they can and do. Do not believe anything he says now-he probably already has a lawyer and is hiding assets----PLEASE take the steps you need to protect yourself. (They usually start months in advacne)
After you have done this- then we can all cry with you.
And we will....but you have to be safe first.
I am so sorry Sweetie, truly sorry. But try, and I know this is hard, to be pragmatic to protect your credit and financail interests. Like you said-at your age what and where can you go to support yourself.....
and please don't isolate yourself off- get your kids involved....and start putting the things that were yours before in safe places...I know one man who stole his wifes private proerty from before the marraige, coin collections stamp collections etc....
Hugs....prayers.....tears......we love you! get cracking!
Dilu
Bumpkin BearsDear Rita - I just wanted to send you a big big Hug :hug:
Catherine
Acid Attic BearsI'm so sorry, Rita. I'm very young and have no experience for anything like that, all I can do is sending you all hugs I can. Please, listen to your friends and protect yourself as much as you can.
Hugs, hugs and more hugs,
Marion
Posts: 2,203Rita, Your situation is similar to my MIL. He doesn't deserve You!!! I sort of speak from experience. Mom and father got devorced when I was young! Thats all I'll say. Just remember you have people here that love you :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: 
If you need to vent feel free. Jenn
UKgosh sounds like have all had crappy men, my partner of 5 years ran off with an older woman he met over the internet behind my back.. i found out..he lied.. i told him all the proof i had..he lied some more.. i blasted him and sent him packing
rita. no words will make it better right now but please know we are thinking of you !! :hug:
