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LuxembearsRita, I am joining the club too, my dear. My first marriage lasted less than two years and I had to go into hiding for my own safety. It is a crisis and can feel paralyizing.
So sorry to hear this. Just know that we are here for you for support. :hug: :hug: :hug: I will keep you in my prayers :pray:
Upstate New YorkRita ~ I was so sorry to hear about your situation and heartache. We're all here for you, but it's pretty important you find a good friend or support group in your area. And a good attorney.
Thinking of you!
Flying Fur StudiosOh the heartache you poor thing! I'm soo sorry. I can't even begin to imagine how you feel.
Please, don't forget to still love yourself. And go to a temp agency. They will train you on computers if need be and help you find work. You can do this!!
And we're all here for you.
Heather
Posts: 2,203My father couldn't handle a special needs child and told me so. As far as the string of bad relationshps after that...... I thik God every day for my hubby. More hugs to you Rita! :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: Jenn
Winneybears and FriendsHow awful to go thru..so devestating, I know, I too went thru this at 43 with one boy in collage and one barely 15. A marriage of 27 years down the drain. OK..first my heart goes out to you Rita... (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))).
Its OK to cry lots, you have to but please listen to Dilu on the depression.I could not even think straight. I fell into one for 2 weeks,I quit eating , lost from 138 to 111 lbs, shaking badly, cried constantly and the whole nine yards. I became sucidal so.... I went to my DR. , he wanted to hospitilize me, I said ; " NO I cant do that,I have 2 kids that need me and one of them is in crisus himself, talking about killing him self..... Just tell me what to do and I will do it" ! 2 weeks was enough of that feeling destroyed inside....altho I knew it would be along time before I would get over it...I had to take action....NOW.
I had a friend, he loaned me the money to see his lawyer ...I found out I had all sorts of rights ! So Rita dear please...go see your Dr. and go talk to someone who knows the laws and just START to step ahead one day at a time .
I had no job skills either and all that man left me was $200. and an old broken down car I had to junk because the stearring was going out of it....also I had to clean out, junk and move everything my self out of the rental that was 7 miles out of town. How did I do it ?? I had tons of problems, money,no friends, etc...but just figured it out one day at a time....you will too....you are stronger and more tenacious than you may think you are...Please keep writing and talking to people...you are not alone. Hugs Rita,we will pray for your strength.... Winney
Baird'sBears
Rita, love, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this mess!
Add me to the divorced club. Mr. Wrong never abused me physically, but he was a psychological abuser and vetoed everything I wanted to do. Believe me, you're much better off without this clod.
You are not old. Golly, girl, I don't feel old at 61, and you're a mere babe by comparison. Don't even think that way . . . ever.
The others are right. Get to a lawyer now, and make sure you get all the financial support that's coming to you. If he's the one suing for divorce, make him earn it!! You're the victim in this case.
I suspect he wanted to drum up support from friends and family before he approached you. What a rotten thing to do. It gives you more ammunition, though.
I would also see your doctor and talk about anti-depression meds. If this thing leaves you clinically depressed, you won't have the energy or motivation to look after your own interests.
If only he knew how many people are cyber-growling his way 
Past Time BearsPlease try to heed the wise advice these ladies have given, Rita. The first thing to do is get legal help - then go from there. It's sad that you are not in your native country and have to go through this awful situation among "strangers", but all of us here are your virtual friends and support you as much as possible from a distance. Just log on to Teddy Talk when you need to vent, cry, or whatever . . . we WILL understand! And I wish you much courage to get through the next day, week, month . . . . Big hugs to you.
Posts: 3,177Rita my love.
Let me begin by giving you my knee jerk reaction to your news.........
What an absolute bastard! - i'm allowed to use that word it's in the dictionary and in lots of fine literary works. I hope that you can find it in yourself give him hell once you get over the initial shock of his low down, two-timing, treating you like a doormat betraying ways.
Now here's my more measured opinion.
I have'nt read all the posting's here but i've read yours, the girls will no doubt have given you lots of really good advice and i can only suggest that you do what you think is best in your circumstances.
You say that you are 51 - well hell Rita that's young nowadays. If you have to get a job to earn money you'll get one; it sounds to me like you ran everything anyway so you must be able to offer good management skills to a future employer.
There is nothing worse than being made to feel like a discarded piece of clothing - but you are not worn out - out of fashion or made of cheap cloth. It sound's like you trusted this man implicitly, he's the one who's cheap and nasty not you.
For Gods Sake - how many women are told that they are too young! What a load of old cobblers! as we say here in Blighty. He cheated on you and now he's trying to find a reason to blame you for his actions -
tell him to shove his head where the sun don't shine and not to go around blaming you for his immaturity
Rita, i truly hope that i have'nt upset you but i always speak my mind - i also offer you to come and visit with us here if you just really really want to get away, hop on a plane to London and we'll come and pick you up - stay as long as yu want, we've got stacks of space
Thinking of you and i'll be praying for your hubbies thingy to drop off through gangrene
Your Pal,
Penny :hug:
Starlite BearsRita,
I know that your confidence has taken a knock - I divorced my ex husband for cruelty in 1980 - phew such a long time ago - and I was a wreck for a while till I looked in the mirror and decided I wanted to be me again.
Your are not to blame for what someone else does to you - they are!!
I believe that everyone will get their just reward for their deeds in the end so your rat of a husband will too !! :twisted:
Like the others have said - please go as quickly as possible to a legal advisor - they can be soo supportive and they will organise things for you - so you cannot lose out!!
Your future will be bright - as you are obviously a very talented artist and business lady - and so young too :)
I send you loving hugs and hope that you soon feel better
Please remember you are not alone !!
:hug: :hug:
Anne
Apple Dumpling DesignsRita...I have no advice to offer....just a big hug...and know that you will get through this and come out better on the other end.
Love to you...
Shantell
Nova Scotia,CanadaPenny said:
Thinking of you and i'll be praying for your hubbies thingy to drop off through gangrene
I was with you all the way through your super stong advice but i burst out laughing when I reached here. I'm with you Penny and all the girls,great advice,Rita,please lett us know how you are,I'm very worried about you.
Hugs,Shari
Penny you put it perfectly....just everything I was thinking about that useless clod..
Rita,
my heart aches for you, I haven't been through a divorce but my husband aged 41 died of a heart attack in front of my daughter & myself one Sunday night while we were eating dinner...I went into shock for weeks!! and tried to sleep for a year, before I could even think of going on with my life..... I contemplated suicide because I couldn't imagine life without him or how I was going to survive financially....but I did & you will too, that was 16 years ago, and now I have a new man and life is good......so please Rita you must do as the girls have advised and see a doctor, you need to take care of your health first (emotional & physical), he will also be able to give phone numbers, addresses of people that can help you legally & emotionally..
My thoughts are with you, please stay strong, remember you must look after your number one asset...YOU!!!!
You have so many dear friends here willing to give you any support you need, so talk it out whenever you need to...I bottled lots up and I wish I'd had a support group like all these fantastic ladies, it would have made my grieving so much easier... please take care we're all thinking of you, and we all know you will come through this, somewhere you will find the strength...just believe in yourself!
hugs, :hug: :hug: :hug:
Denise.
Dear Rita,
My heart goes out to you Rita and just want to say how sorry I am for you.
You are better off without this man as he has proved that he is no good for you.
I just want to wish you all the courage and strength to get through this and just want
you to know that we are here for you and here is a big hug and wishing
you lots of love
Hugs
Carolyn
Adorable BearsRita,
Obviously you have lots of friends..now add me to that list.
I agree that you need legal advise and maybe there is some free counseling that you can attend. But most of all try to be a good friend to yourself.
Take care.
Susan
www.adorablebears.com.au
Just Us BearsRita,
I can only imagine the pain you must be feeling. The man you love and whom you believed loved you, has betrayed you in the worst possible way! I am crying tears for you too. :(
There is some great advice here from people who have walked in your shoes. If you don't know how to find a lawyer...go to the doctors first, and they will point you in the right direction. You also need to find a councellor who can help you through this..it's going to take time. I'm sure you are still in shock right now.
Having already been in a physically abusive relationship, I would imagine your self esteem is already on the low side. Don't allow your husband to make you feel worthless and as though it's your fault he is leaving you. He did a cowardly thing by all counts, and although it doesn't feel like it now, you are far better off without him in the long run.
You can be a figher Rita...tell yourself "I'm a fighter" even when you feel like curling up in a ball and dying.
Sending you lots of hugs right now...and so pleased that Teddy Talk isn't 'restricted' to talking bears. We are here for you and sending courage your way.
Matilda Huggington-beareRita sweetheart, what took ya so long ? about time you ditched him , to start the very first day of a brilliant future!!!!!!! :hug: It's a bitch now! But.......In time you will see that it was the best thing you could possibly have done. 
Men can be such morons :doh:
The very same thing happened to me possum. And to think , I could have spent the rest of my life with him. ooooooooooo.....scary thought. :hug:
Jazzy RagsIam so sorry to here your sad news Rita .But there is life with out a man and a good life maybe a better life love Fran. 
Rita, I am so very sorry to hear about your situtation. My heart aches for you. As others have said , it will be very difficult now, but who know what a wonderful life the future holds. Be strong, get help and don't blame yourself. You are still young and can do anything you put your mind to !!! We know you can and will get through this. Take your strength from the great women here who have been through divorce. Look how strong they are now, and you will be like them too. All I can offer is a shoulder to cry on :hug: I hope today is better than yesterday, and that each tomorrow is even better.
Your in my prayers.
Tammy
Wisdom BearsHi Rita,
Just to say how sorry I was to hear of your very sad and hurtful last few days. I do not have any experience of divorce ,but I can imagine how you must be feeling right now. I can only send hugs and best wishes that you will have a brighter future. Love and Hugs Rita xx
Posts: 2,203Rita, You have lots of friends. :hug: Count me in as a friend as well. Jenn
Me too. And then some. Divorce is painful and there will always be some residual mourning for what might or could have been, but there is also empowerment, and renewed belief in self, and freedom -- which might, at this moment, all sound daunting, and like an enormous pile of cow manure, but in the end, changes you in ways you will be grateful for, and really, truly, enjoy.
It will be hard, but you'll get through it. And then, soon enough, you'll look back and think, "Hey... what a rough road I just travelled, but look how far I've come!" And all that self-love will fill you right up.
Hugs and support,
Rita,
I can only send you hugs. :hug: I don't have any personal experience - just that my parents got divorced when I was very young. But you will get through it. Please take care.
OntarioI'm so sorry to Rita, you will get through this. I haven't been through anything like this myself, but I have been around happening to loved ones...
Can anyone say mid-life crisis? What a child! He tells everyone else first instead of being a man and telling you his feelings and he cheated??
Pretty soon you'll see the guy in a red sports car and getting blonde tips in his hair (or plugs if he's hairless). Textbook case of a man-child midlife crisis.
Legal advice is a must, and start 'collecting' evidence to help with your case. Call the phone company and tell them your bill never arrived and to resend it...things that can help prove his infidelity.
We're all here for you.
Luxembearslike an enormous pile of cow manure
......and from this rises beautiful roses. 
like an enormous pile of cow manure
......and from this rises beautiful roses.
Truer words, never spoken. From two blondies who know first-hand.
Be strong, Rita. You've got friends here.
