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emmastephens Jul 22, 2010

Does anyone have any tips or experiences of dealing with a difficult boss?

She rather enjoys putting me down and bullying me basically, and there's only two of us in the office so I have no support from any coworkers.
The other day she told me I wouldn't amount to anything in life except being a wife, which I found extraordinarily rude, but being young and afraid of conflict I kept my mouth shut.
She also constantly makes comments about how much money I earn - I work 30 hours on minimum wage, but she's a "volunteer" taking a £50 a week wage, so she likes to make me feel guilty about it.
She also tells people that I'm lazy at my job - despite the fact I go above and beyond the call of duty which includes doing her shopping!
I always get the blame for mistakes that she makes. She tells me to do things, I do them, but then it's my fault that I've done them, or it's not how she wanted despite the fact she gave me those instructions.

Any ideas of how to deal with the situation would be so greatly appreciated, I literally am at the end of my tether!

I need a nice big bear hug 

Us Bears Jul 22, 2010

I could win money in a "Bad Boss" contest.

The best thing you can do is document everything, regardless of how trivial.  Keep scrupulous records, send a copy to your boss and keep a copy for yourself.

And, if you want to swap bad boss stories, let me know... 

Lovethosebears Jul 23, 2010

Oh honey heres a great BIG hug for you  :hug: 

I'd love to know what these bosses are drinking at the mo - after listening to Julia's fiancee's problems at work and sharing work niggles with Karon it seems that crappy bosses are out in force!  Just because jobs are scarce now they feel that they can treat people so badly  :twisted: 

In the first job I had (I was 16) there was a mature woman who seemed from the start to have it in for me - I did leave in the end.  Thinking back now it was obvious she had a problem with female youth, a bit of the greeneyed monster.  Do you think this might be the same in your case?

As Us Bears said record EVERYTHING.  Who is in charge of the Boss? 

Take care  :hug:

Jaina Jul 23, 2010

As Ali has said,

Keep records of everything. Logs of any comments made, dates, times and witnesses. Go back to your contract and look at your job description. If your boss asks you to do something outside of that - Do NOT do it. It may make things akward in the short term but I suspect she is just pushing you because she can - if you start saying No, then she will see that you can't be walked all over. If it's not in your description, you have every right to say No.

Are you a union member? if you you are contact your representative and tell them. They will be able to advise you further on what to do and help you to keep a track of everything. They helped my Fiance loads. Also look into what the company's grievance policy is. There should be someone you can go to. If you just let her get away with it, not only will you suffer, but so will the next person like you that comes along.

Jobs are scare, IMO there is no excuse for being like that when your boss could easily be replaced.

The next time she makes a mistake, log that, log the circumstances and any evidence you can. If she really messes up you don't know that you won't find yourself in the same position as my OH; Having to resign because you told the truth and everyone else lied and pointed the finger at you.

It might be a good idea to keep a daily diary at this point.

I want to send you big hugs  :hug:  I haven't had a bad boss myself but seeing what my OH has gone for I know just how ard it is, especially when you need your job enough that you have to just put up with it.

Stand up and everything will be ok.  :hug:

peterbear Jul 23, 2010

Dear Emmy,

I hear you loud and clear !

The advice that Randy, Ali and Julia gave you is very sound:
- for the time being bide your time, but take note of everything that is not correct according to you, so you will have evidence of her misconduct
- refuse to do anything that is not in your job description (I'm sure shopping is not in it  )
- do you know the superior of your boss or do you have a human resources department, where you can file a complaint ?
- if you send mails to your boss, regarding a problem that is her fault, put her superior or the human resources in CC or BCC or forward the message after
  you have sent it to your boss.  Put everything on paper or mail.

This is going to be tough for some time and relations will be more strained, but this way will surely lead to a solution, one way or the other.

Sending you big bear hugs and lots of positive thoughts.  :hug:

Peter & the bears

amber Jul 23, 2010

Emma

This sucks.  I was in a similar situation a few years ago.  The store I work at was taken over by a new owner.  He used to yell at me when he forgot to do things through things at me when he forgot to do things that I reminded him to do over and over but still he didn't do.  He did this infront of our clients.  I got lucky though I called another store that had an opening and left, but I put up with months of his abuse before I could find another place to go to.  The fallout from the move wasn't much better.  I basically run the business for him and when it dropped dramatically after I left, head office was then on me about that.  My new boss took a lot of pressure from it too.  Only good thing there was I told my new boss exactly what was happening before I left, I was upfront with him.  Usually they will tell you it is bad to say anything negative about a previous employer, but this was an exception, my new boss put his neck out for me, I had to let him know why and what to expect.  It's worked out great since then.  Even the bad days are nowhere near what they used to be.

It isn't an easy situation, try to stay positive and document everything.  People like your boss are bitter and unhappy people.  Eventually they will get back every mean and nasty thing they've done to others.  Stay strong, out of everything bad something good will happen, and you will be that much happier for it.  Maybe it will be a new job with better pay.  Maybe it will be a new boss that treats you with respect and kindness in the near future. 

Hugs

boohbears Jul 23, 2010

Hello Emma,
I am so sorry to hear about the way you are being treated.  It brings tears to my eyes when I think about the way some people treat other people.  I agree with everything the others said but I also think you should take a deep breath and tell her that you are tired of her treating you this way and if she does not stop, you will have to take action.   If she knows you are keeping records of her treatment, she may back off. :hug:  :hug:  :hug:
Janice

emmastephens Jul 23, 2010

Thank you so much for all your advice, I really do appreciate it.
I've started my list of "incidents" now, it may take a while for me to write everything down! :P

It's made even more difficult because there is noone above her, she's at the top. I got a job through a government scheme where they created jobs in charities and non-profit organisations to get people back into work (no thanks to the recession!) I've contacted the company that handles the money that I get paid with, but they're not really interested because they just want to be able to tick me off on their government checklist.

It's so difficult in this financial climate because I know that I am at a disadvantage if I wanted to get a new job because so many more experienced and better trained people are applying for the same jobs as me.

I'm definitely going to keep a record of everything, keeping a diary is a good idea too - I have a ridiculously poor memory so I often forget important details like tone of voice and little things like that.

I'm also considering filing a complaint to Job Centre Plus (I'm not sure whether they have these in other countries, it's a government funded organisation that advertises jobs and also gives people enough money to get by while they're unemployed and looking for work) - they were the people who advertised the job and were directly involved in getting me this job, do you think it's a good idea?

Thank you for all the hugs and kindness, when stuff like this happens i find it so easy to end up blaming myself so it's nice to have support from other people and know it's not just me! 

Emma
xxxx

Dawn J Jul 23, 2010

Hi Emma

Before I was a full time Artist I used to be a Full Time Trade Union Officer. Some of the members I dealt with were in your position i.e. they worked for Voluntary Organisations. Unfortunately, charity members and voluntary workers often seem to resent those that are being paid for what they do. We used to even get it in the Trade Union, those that were volunteer officers would place burdens on the full time staff that were very unfair.

There is a notion amongst some people that if you work for a charity or a 'cause' that you believe in that you should not get a fair wage. I think the opposite is true, charity's need to get value for money and they will get that by treating their staff with fairness and respect.

I would advise what others have done, keep notes and a diary. Other than that, I would contact the nearest person to being your boss who is a paid professional i.e. not a volunteer.  Can I ask who it is you work for, or at least what sector you are in.

Also, you say that your boss is a volunteer - have they been elected?

I hope you get things sorted out - it is a horrible position to be in, but unfortunately also quite a common one.

Hugs

Dawn

emmastephens Jul 23, 2010

Can I ask who it is you work for, or at least what sector you are in.

Also, you say that your boss is a volunteer - have they been elected?

I hope you get things sorted out - it is a horrible position to be in, but unfortunately also quite a common one.

Hugs

Dawn

Hi Dawn,

I'm in the arts sector, it's a textile organisation - I would say the name but I'd be worried it'd create a link on google or something and she'd be able to see what I'd written! Haha! If you google contemporary textile festival it will be the first entry :P

It's a bit of a complicated story as to how she got to where she is.
She began by being a volunteer for another textile organisation and decided to do a festival once a year. However, the organisation started to feel increasingly unhappy with her being there, things got a bit heated and she split off from them and decided to run the festival as an organisation itself.
I'm not sure whether or not that makes her elected. There's a board of trustees and advisors, though as far as I can tell they maintain more of a back seat role and are not really involved - just names really that can be spewed out to potential sponsors and trusts.

Emma
xxx

rowarrior Jul 23, 2010

Big hugs.  My nightmare boss right now was also my best friend until he lost the plot 2 weeks ago.  I'm emotionally and physically drained from the past 2 weeks and have actually lost 6 lbs in weight (even though I've been working my way through a cheesecake for the last 5 days, mind you, I've eaten little else!).  You have my complete sympathy, hope you can work something out  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:

emmastephens Jul 25, 2010

Big hugs.  My nightmare boss right now was also my best friend until he lost the plot 2 weeks ago.  I'm emotionally and physically drained from the past 2 weeks and have actually lost 6 lbs in weight (even though I've been working my way through a cheesecake for the last 5 days, mind you, I've eaten little else!).  You have my complete sympathy, hope you can work something out  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:

I'm sorry to hear that Katy, gosh what a nightmare.
Cheescake is a good cheering up food, especially the GU ones :)
I hope things get sorted for you too :hug:

Emma
xxx

Michelle Helen Jul 25, 2010

Dear Emma: As suggested by several people, keep all e-mails and records of the tasks she is asking of you. E-mail her back with your understanding of what she wants done and save her responses. SAVE all e-mails like this.

By what you are describing it sounds like she is all over the place with things for you to do and changes her mind in the middle. She changes the rules Right? If so, I have to wonder if the problem is with her and her communication style.  If you feel like you have to walk on eggs shells around her it is really more evidence she has issues beyond her relationship with you.  How she treats you is also how she treats others, especially her family.  So look at it this way, it must be miserable for her to live in her own skin.

If you need this job, you may have to endure until the market opens up for you to find other employment. It really is too bad you can't report her to somebody like human resources. In most companies, this would  not be tolerated.

With that said, my advice to you is to turn the tables on her. Kill her with kindness. Compliment her knowledge. Tell her you are a sponge wanting to soak up all she can teach you. This will take her off guard and defocus off of you on to others.  There is nothing she does that you are not in aw over. Make sure she knows how much you appreciate "everything" she is doing and love her ideas. Profusely thank her all the time whenever you get a chance! Make a game of it Emma. It will break up the stress for you and I can say, if you do this right, she will move on to harassing others. It gets you off the hot seat. Never show her how much she is hurting you. Address all interactions with a cheery "thank you" and "good idea boss lady" but with the utmost sincerity. It will confuse the heck out of her and when she is not getting the response from you that she is hoping for. She will move on to make others miserable. Now caution, once you start this new behavior, she will increase her criticism of you before she backs off. It is human nature. Monkeys in experiments get food from a machine. When the machine runs dry, they hits  the dispenser. When nothing happens, they increase the tapping of the button before giving up. So too will Boss-Lady do the same. Make a game of it. Have fun with her. Go home smiling, not crying.  :hug:  :hug:

emmastephens Jul 25, 2010

With that said, my advice to you is to turn the tables on her. Kill her with kindness. Compliment her knowledge. Tell her you are a sponge wanting to soak up all she can teach you. This will take her off guard and defocus off of you on to others.  There is nothing she does that you are not in aw over. Make sure she knows how much you appreciate "everything" she is doing and love her ideas. Profusely thank her all the time whenever you get a chance! Make a game of it Emma. It will break up the stress for you and I can say, if you do this right, she will move on to harassing others. It gets you off the hot seat. Never show her how much she is hurting you. Address all interactions with a cheery "thank you" and "good idea boss lady" but with the utmost sincerity. It will confuse the heck out of her and when she is not getting the response from you that she is hoping for. She will move on to make others miserable. Now caution, once you start this new behavior, she will increase her criticism of you before she backs off. It is human nature. Monkeys in experiments get food from a machine. When the machine runs dry, they hits  the dispenser. When nothing happens, they increase the tapping of the button before giving up. So too will Boss-Lady do the same. Make a game of it. Have fun with her. Go home smiling, not crying.  :hug:  :hug:

I hadn't thought of being super nice, I might implement that when my holiday time is over :)

Emma
xxx

Carolyn Green Jul 25, 2010

Hi Emma,

So sorry for what you are going through ~ makes life so hard when you are treated like this.
Everyone has given such good advice.
I really hope that you can get this sorted and sending big hugs to you and I hope that you can be happy at your work.

Hugs
Carolyn

shiniker Jul 26, 2010

I don't have any advice but wanted to send hugs and support your way.  I'm very sad this is happening to you  .

Geralye Jul 26, 2010

If your job is government funded, find out who your MP is, if you don't already know, and go see him/her when he/she next has a local surgery. Also try citizens advice.

DENBY30 Jul 26, 2010

Dear Emma, the advise of turning the tables to  a super perfect employee and telling her that  she is right, could work.  Yessing her to death and oh how right your are could be the ticket.  OR simply ask her if she realizes how belittleing she is to you and that she is not very nice to you and does she realize that she picks on you every time she gets.  Maybe she does not even realize what a mean and cruel person she is. 
Either one is worth a try, but in the mean time plenty of good wishes coming your way.  Me I have such a wonderful boss and really have had great bosses all my working life.  Altho I did have one that I did not like when a company bought out the one I worked for, so I quit.  Then he quit under the pressure and they hired me back at the same pay/vacation/ etc. So it worked out.  I am so sorry that there are bad bosses out there, and hope that all the ones that have them can get around it and hope for better times ahead.
Have a great day.
Hugs Pat

rkr4cds Jul 27, 2010

If you google

Wow - that a great looking textile Home page!!
LOL - your secret's safe with me: I live in Nowhere'sville, suburban Chicago and know no one connected to your group!

Sympathy Hugs - and I loved Michelle's idea, along with the rest...
Bobbie

emmastephens Jul 27, 2010

Thanks so much, you've all been so lovely and helpful 

Emma
xxx

amber Jul 28, 2010

Emma

I like the idea of kill her with kindness.  To make it a little easier for you to take when it is rough though, make yourself up a score card somewhere, everytime she is nasty to you and you thank her or say something nice to her give yourself a point.  When you don't mark it off in another row, that is the score you are trying to make sure you beat.  Maybe you can turn this into a game that at least makes you a little happier and you'll have a score card to remind you that you are taking the higher road in this and you've got to beat her somehow.

rowarrior Jul 29, 2010

Hey Emma, how's it going so far?  Are you winning?

emmastephens Jul 29, 2010

Hey Emma, how's it going so far?  Are you winning?

Hiya Katy,
I'm taking a well earned break atm, won't be back till the second week of August :P
How're things with your work? Have you sorted things out with your boss?

Emma
xxx

rowarrior Jul 30, 2010

Hi Emma,

Good for you, enjoy your holiday.  Alas, no, we're still not speaking    There have been some further developments, but I'm waiting to see how they turn out - I'm cautiously optimistic right now.