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PennsylvaniaI'm sorry I haven't participated at Teddy Talk for such a long spell.
There have been many happy times in this Bear Den but, now, the happy times are all coming to an end.
My wife, Melanie, is divorcing me. There is little more than some paperwork and some details to finish up. Assuming no more snags, things will be wrapped up by the end of the year. If all goes smoothly, we could be done by the end of November. The house will soon be sold then I will be moving out and taking my things with me. I am hoping to convince Melanie to take all of the Bears in order to keep the family together but, so far, she seems intent on leaving half to me. As you may remember, our hug was over 1,000 Bears strong. Even half that number is too much for me to care for. I certainly won't have room for that many Bears in the small apartment I am likely to be living in. I will need to do something to make sure the Bears will be taken care of.
There are two possible scenarios. Melanie could take all the Bears, in which case, I needn't worry. If she does not, I will have to find them a new home. I am going to tell Melanie that she can have the Bears or else they will be going to a new home.
I need to get my ducks in a row, now, so that the Bears can make a smooth transition to their new home.
Is there anybody who would like to be their new human if Melanie doesn't take them?
Can anybody, at least, give me some advice?
Thank you in advance,
Randy S.
(ex-Teddy Bear keeper)
Sacred Bear StudiosI'm confused...why the "all or nothing" ultimatum?....why not let her take half and then you keep what you can of your half and re-home the rest?
it seems that would be preferable to scattering all of them to the wind, if as you say you are worried about keeping them together.
I realize divorce creates an emotional environment, but it seems that you are not thinking rationally here, you need to step back and re-examine your perspective.
Humm I agree with Chris. I have been through a divorce and it is truly horrible and am sorry that you have to go through this. However it seems to me that you are doing the equivalent of playing sad songs to cry to with your bears. I understand that in an ideal world they would all be together but try to pick a few (out of a hat if you can't possibly choose) to bring to your new life -they are part of who you are. Stop punishing yourself you will get through this x
I just want to send a cyber-hug to you, Randy. (You already got some good advice regarding the bears.) I know that you'll be living a happy life again, and I hope it's someday soon. I also hope we still hear from you here on TT, where you've been a valued and distinctive voice for as long as I've been visiting the forum.
Becky
Past Time BearsVery sorry this is happening in your life, Randy. We at Teddy Talk have enjoyed having your contributions to our forum. You've answered lots of questions for some and given all of us information we might never have known. Plus sharing your fantastic collection of bears with us - surely you'll have room for a few of your favorites? I wish the best for you and peace as you work your way through this curve life has thrown you. Take care and visit us when you can. Hugs, Sue Ann
PennsylvaniaThank you, everybody! 
Issues are very complex. I can't really talk about them in the clear like this.
The simple answer is that the Bears will have to find a new home. It is the best thing for everybody.
It has been very hard for me to cope with things that have happened and it will be difficult to get over. 
I don't know how much more I can say without getting into gory details which I should not share and which most people don't want to hear. Teddy Talk is supposed to be a happy place and I don't want to be the wet blanket.
Your support means a lot to me. Much more than I am able to express.
Thank you, all, from the bottom of my heart. :rose:
I know that finding homes for all the Bears is not going to be easy but, if anybody has advice, I would be grateful!
Thanks!
Hi Randy, I can tell by your posts that you are finding things tough at the moment, and I am sorry to hear that things are going badly for you. Perhaps it would be best to put your half of the bears into storage or get a kind friend or family member to store them until emotions are not running so high and you can come back to the issue with a clear head?
You may find that some time down the line you may regret getting rid of the bears in the heat of the moment. We can all make rash decisions when emotional that we regret later. We all need to hold a paw every now and then for moral support too :)
I wish you all the best.
Jen
PennsylvaniaI don't know how to explain. I don't have the right words to say which would explain without getting specific. Specifics would only cause trouble.
I don't want the Bears to leave but that is part of the trouble. In order for things to get better, the Bears and I must part company. At first, I wanted to keep the Bears and I was very adamant about it. I have talked it over with a professional and we decided that detachment is the best thing.
In another few weeks, maybe I will be able to explain.
Thank you, everybody, for your moral support! It is helpful in many ways!
Past Time BearsIf you say the bears must leave for things to get better, then that is what must happen for you. I wish you luck in finding a satisfactory place for them. Take care.
Boechout, AntwerpI am so sorry to read about what's happening to you and your hug, Randy. :cry:
I wish there was some way I could help, but living on the other side of the ocean, it's really not possible.
It must be a heart breaking decision for you having to part with your bears, especially because they were such a big part of your life. :(
I will tell you this though: many years ago, when my hug of bears was still very small, a "professional" told me that my attachment to the bears was unhealthy and that I had to let them go; well, in the end it was the professional I let go off and not the bears. ;)
Sending you big hugs, Randy! 
PennsylvaniaPeter,
You have shown us some very nice Teddy Bear photographs. You are an accomplished photographer who JUST HAPPENS to specialize in Teddy Bear photography. Not only is that enjoyable for adults and kids, alike, it is a marketable skill. If you are not marketing your photography, you certainly could if you wanted to. :)
I am also a photographer. I specialize in landscape and nature photographs but I also like Teddy Bear photography. I have several Teddy Bear photos that are framed and ready to sell if the right buyer comes along.
Check my Flickr page: http://www.flickr.com/photos/randystankey
Nobody could fault us for liking Teddy Bears. Nobody has the right to. Anybody who tries to fault us for liking Teddy Bears can just go jump in the lake.
My problem is not in the Bears, themselves. My problem is that they represent an unhealthy attachment to a bad relationship that must end. As long as I am with the Bears, I am in danger of being "reeled" back into a harmful relationship. I can't explain it any clearer than that without divulging details which I should not discuss.
It is very sad. It is very hard to do but I must.
I just need to make sure that I do the right thing so that I can go away with a clean conscience.
I want to make sure that, when I leave, if she doesn't take the Bears, they are taken care of.
Donna's Duin BruinsWould you be willing to donate the bears to Good Bears of the World so they could use them for good?
PennsylvaniaSome could go to GBotW. The valuable ones should not.
Our Bears run the gamut from OOAK, artist Bears to dime store and carival Bears. Some of the Bears were adopted from bearmakers, right here, on Teddy Talk.
The Steiffs, the Herrmans, the OOAK need to go to special homes who know and understand their value and meaning. The others could go to GBotW.
I'll think about it.
Having a hard day right now... I just want to curl up in a ball and disappear.
Sacred Bear StudiosI think GBW only gives away their own brand new bears which they contract from a Chinese factory, they would only take very valuable ones to auction off at bear shows.
I think, if you absolutely Must part with them (I still can't empathize, since my bears have never represented anything other than themselves, and mean so much to me that I would never allow anything to come between us) maybe you could do group shots of them and host them on a photo site, post the link here and see if you can adopt them out in lots.
I certainly wouldn't mind having a few new bears in my hug, especially larger bears from the 90's.
I would still admonish you not to rush into this. I think you should pack them up and put them in storage at least for awhile,out of sight and out of mind until the pain lessens and your head clears, then decide what you want to do......and ask yourself this: has this "professional" ever truly loved a teddy bear? Does he or she really understand what they're asking you to do? I think you'll be setting yourself up for yet another heartache later when you realize that you've lost BOTH of the things that matter most to you- shouldn't you keep ONE if you can?
Let the bears be their own creatures who are yours alone, and not something you owe to another human, and let them comfort you.
All that being said, I wish the best for you, and I hope in the end you can keep the teddies, and us, a part of your life.
Boechout, AntwerpThank you for the kind words, Randy. 
I know and appreciate your photography as well; you can tell that you have learned photography "the old way" (in a very positive sense) as I did about 30 years ago (when digital photography didn't even exist).
But what Chris wrote struck a chord with me:
"I would still admonish you not to rush into this. I think you should pack them up and put them in storage at least for awhile,out of sight and out of mind until the pain lessens and your head clears, then decide what you want to do......and ask yourself this: has this "professional" ever truly loved a teddy bear? Does he or she really understand what they're asking you to do? I think you'll be setting yourself up for yet another heartache later when you realize that you've lost BOTH of the things that matter most to you- shouldn't you keep ONE if you can?
Let the bears be their own creatures who are yours alone, and not something you owe to another human, and let them comfort you."
The bears are not the problem, the harmful relationship is. Maybe there is a way to break the connection between the two and make a new connection between the bears and your new life. I'm just clutching at straws, here. 
But it is obvious that parting with your bears is very painful and I wish that there was some way it could be avoided. When I was looking through your flickr account I saw the lovely photos of one of your favourite bears in the playground. They speak volumes. :love:
That being said, I have seen some collectors open a Bearpile account to sell their artist bears (although I don't think Bearpile is basically a place for artists).
I too wish you all the best and lots of strength!
gugu;s teddiesHello Randy
May I be a little harsh . Dust yourself down and take a deep breath look at all the other things besides the Bears that are precius to you,What are you going to do with your other items, perhaps put them into storage untill your heart is in the right the place again?
You have had lots of lovely comments and help from fellow Bear makers, Time is a great healer dont do something your going to regret when your mind set is up and running again
I wish you good luck, im going through simular with my Son and his Partner at the moment, his is not bears its bikes
Posts: 97Thank you for the kind words, Randy. :thumbsup:
I know and appreciate your photography as well; you can tell that you have learned photography "the old way" (in a very positive sense) as I did about 30 years ago (when digital photography didn't even exist).But what Chris wrote struck a chord with me:
"I would still admonish you not to rush into this. I think you should pack them up and put them in storage at least for awhile,out of sight and out of mind until the pain lessens and your head clears, then decide what you want to do......and ask yourself this: has this "professional" ever truly loved a teddy bear? Does he or she really understand what they're asking you to do? I think you'll be setting yourself up for yet another heartache later when you realize that you've lost BOTH of the things that matter most to you- shouldn't you keep ONE if you can?
Let the bears be their own creatures who are yours alone, and not something you owe to another human, and let them comfort you."The bears are not the problem, the harmful relationship is. Maybe there is a way to break the connection between the two and make a new connection between the bears and your new life. I'm just clutching at straws, here.
That being said, I have seen some collectors open a Bearpile account to sell their artist bears (although I don't think Bearpile is basically a place for artists).
I too wish you all the best and lots of strength! :thumbsup:
Couldn't agree more with this
TC Folk OriginalsDear Randy, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through! We here at TT all know what bears mean and we can only judge by our own feelings, which are not what you are feeling. Only you and your professional know what is truly best. The only word of advise I would feel comfortable in giving would be: go get another bear that is yours and yours alone. It can help you through this when times (feelings) are really, really tough. I know you love all the bears, but they represent another time and another life. Start new! This is what works for me - I've been there and done that!!!!! Best of wishes for you, good luck! tc
Hello Randy,
I'm so very sorry to hear of your current situation and just want to reach out and give you a big hug.
I have always read your comments on any topic with great interest because you always seem to be able to help other people with their queries and problems and always give that information in a very natural and well explained manner. The vibes I get from reading your views make me think that you are a very kind and rational sort of person who can easily iron out a problem or two in a very straightforward manner. Any "matter of the heart" can probably make someone react to a situation in a different manner to what they would normally do, so possibly it might be a good idea to maybe wait a little while before making any big decision. I agree with so many of the comments already made and certainly agree that "professionals" do NOT always know the right answer.
If you find that you do eventually decide to part with your bears, perhaps it would be a nice idea to make a promise to yourself that you would buy a little hug of special bears for yourself, to represent a new stage in your life, a new beginning. This way, when you look at your new bears, there would not be any memories (good or bad) to dim the wonderful bright shiny future that these new bears would represent. As a bear lover I think you would find it very difficult to exclude all bears from your life; as said before, we need a little paw to hang on to now and then!
Hugs,
Marilyn x
PennsylvaniaUPDATE - Dec. 22, 2013:
The divorce is final and I have officially moved out of the house and am living in a new place. I only go to the old house to make sure the mail is picked up and to check on the Bears who were still living there. All Bears accounted for!
Today was Melanie's day to collect her things from the house. You'll be happy to know that the hug has been reunited. All the Bears are living together with Melanie again! :)
I am not completely bearless. Three Bears are living with me in my new home. (Bears come in threes. Right? 
)
I have a vintage 1988, "Toy Soldier" Bear from F.A.O. Schwarz, made by North American Bear Company and I have two Gund "Mocha" Bears (#6410 ᤋ). These are the famous "Pudge" Bears that I have shown you photographs of. The Bears are sitting on the dresser in my bedroom.
Papers are all signed and I officially turn over the keys at the end of the month. The last of the details should be done by the end of January. After that, it's all over.
I am very happy to hear that all the Bears are reunited with Melanie again. I was worried about them and how I was going to manage so many Bears by myself. Yes, I am an experienced "Bear Wrangler" but that many Bears is a lot to handle for one person living in a small apartment. I have received word that all the Bears are happy in their new home!
This Bear Wrangler is breathing a lot easier tonight!
Randy I am so pleased that things have worked out well with the bears and you should be proud of the way you managed to deal with this difficult period of your life. It must be like a huge weight has lifted off your shoulders! I wish you extra peace, joy and a healthy happy 2014! Good luck to you and your trio
michelle
PennsylvaniaY'Know... The Bears have been a source of anxiety for me for many years! I worried about them, sometimes daily. Almost as if they were children. They are sort of surrogates for children. Aren't they?
I used to worry what would happen if there was a disaster or if the house caught fire or of somebody broke in... etc. ... etc.
It is very difficult to relate to you just how much work it is to take care of that many Teddy Bears and just how much angst that creates.
I love the Bears. I love all Teddy Bears but it is a great relief to not have to worry anymore. I am very happy to know that all of the Bears are reunited again and are happy in their new home.
There are many things that I can not talk about in the open forums. It's not proper and it would be too time consuming to write about. Let's just say that this is not a simple divorce. Consequently, it is very important for me to live a separate life in order to heal and recover from emotional damage. At the same time, I feel sad that the Bears are leaving and happy that I will be able to move on and reestablish my own life. It's complicated...
I have my three Bears. They live in my bedroom. They seem to be happy there. Maybe, when I get my house organized, I can rebuild my darkroom and start making photographs again. If I get a chance to make some more photos of the "Famous Pudges" I'll be sure and share them with you all.
Thanks for all your moral support! You have all been a great help!
Bears2AdoptHere's wishing you a much, much happier 2014, a New Year for you! 
Boechout, AntwerpI am glad that everything worked out fine, Randy (although a divorce is never "fine" of course).
I am especially glad that you needn't worry about your huge hug anymore and that you decided to keep some bears for yourself too.
Am I too bold in assuming that this might be the start of brand new hug (maybe a little more modest in size)? 
We hope that 2014 will be a great New Year for you!
Past Time BearsRandy, hope you won't be a stranger on Teddy Talk. I wish a brand new and successful beginning for you in 2014. Take care and let us know how you're doing. Hugs.
