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Judi Jan 10, 2006

I don't know where else to go.  I am so upset right now.  Our kitty spent the night in the animal hospital fighting for his life last night.  The vet called me just now...he needs to be put down.

I have been on my computer getting a listing ready for ebay to pay for the vet bill...I was going to list one of my Toby entries.

What am I going to tell my kids ?                                                

Amanda Jan 10, 2006

Oh Judi... I remember when I told Amy our dog Ben had died. It was'nt good. We had to wait until she came home from school. All I can say is plenty of hugs and talking about it helped. As for the bear, its hard but at least your talent can help ease the situation money wise. :hug:
Hang in there its not going to be a good day but you will come through it...

plushkinbear Jan 10, 2006

Oh, Judi, my friend, I was thinking about you just today and thought that something is wrong...I just logged and was going to write you a PM ..I'm so sorry about poor kitty, that is so awful and  I know your feelings cause I had my dog put down just before Christmas... :hug: 

You have to be strong,,, but I don't know what I would say....to children...  
:hug:
Judi here is the biggest hug from me and Merry.. :hug: 

Laura Lynn Banner SponsorJan 10, 2006

Oh Judi I am SO sorry!   :hug:

lbbears Jan 10, 2006

Oh Judi:

I am so sorry about your kitty.  Pet are so special they are like children.  I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts.
Laurie
:pray:

kbonsall Jan 10, 2006

Oh Judi, I am so sorry  :hug:  ... I dont have any advice as I dont have kids... maybe just telling them that kitty was really sick and assure them that she is in heaven...

psichick78 Jan 10, 2006

Oh Judi, that's soo sad. I know we would do anything for our animals, including selling a contest entry.

Tell your kids she was hurting, but now she won't be hurting anymore. That's what I was told as a kid when my best friend ( our dog ) died. I cried, but at least i understood.

Sooo sorry.....  

Deb Jan 10, 2006

What am I going to tell my kids ?

Judi ~

I am so sorry.  So very hard to lose a pet.  Thinking of you and the children today.

Didn't read this thoroughly, just did a search.  http://www.aacap.org/publications/factsfam/78.htm

I know when my Grandmother died, we told the kids that God wanted her more than we needed her (or something close to that).  But they were able to understand that.

lapousmor Jan 10, 2006

Oh, poor darling kitty! This must be soo hard for you, Judi! That is so unfair to see a darling pet go.

Weel, if I had children i guess I would say them that there was no hope in saving the poor kitty, and at least now she is not in pain anymore.
You should suggest your children to choose a new kitty without waiting too long. this kitty won't replace the poor one but at least, you will all have new things to keep your attention and this will avoid all of you to feel too sad...

With all my love,
Beary hugs,
Sophie. :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:

jenny Jan 10, 2006

Judi, there is no easy way. You have to tell them the straight forward way. I became an old hand at it when my kids were young, we seemed to go through a period of pets dying...which they all do, as do we, inevitably.

Kids are actually quite good at dealing with dying, they rationalise and accept it better then we do as adults and what I learned is that it does make them aware of the vulnerability of things that live and breath and it's, in a way, a means of them becoming more able to deal with all the things life throws at them.

Finding the right words is hard, but if your cat had been sick beforehand then it makes the reason for it simpler to explain...but if it was an accident, it's harder.

I am more philosophical these days about losing pets, I always try to remember their life and how we were so lucky that they shared it with us for the time they did, and no matter how broken hearted I am I always try to think, quite soon afterwards,  that the silver lining is that now I have a place for another little soul  to come and share my fireside.

Thinking of you Judi....

Jenny

Daphne Jan 10, 2006

My first experience with death was when my dog died. We'd grown up the first 12 years of our lives together so it was  a huge loss for me. There isn't anything that can be said to make it all better but listening, sympathizing and just talking openly about it will help the kids. A lot of how they react will depend on how you handle it. They understand death as your family suffered a great loss when your sister died. Perhaps having been through that as a family will make the passing of your kitty a bit easier to understand and accept for the kids. Today will be hard... tomorrow a tintsy bit better and each day better after that. They just might surprise you and deal with it better than you think!

Can you bury the kitty somewhere on the farm so they can have a service for it and thus some closure? My aging dog was taken to the vet, unbeknownst to me, while I was camping with a friend's family for a week. When I got back my dog had already been put down and 'disposed of' so I had a really hard time with never saying good bye, seeing him one last time, etc.

Hugs and prayers are with you!  :hug:

kbonsall Jan 10, 2006

I agree with Daphne... maybe a special place on your land to lay Tigger to rest... My parents did that when we were younger for our Irish Setter, Reggie... he is in my dad's back yard... I can remember not understanding why he was no longer there and I dont know what they told me about him passing.... I just remember going up to his grave that next summer and sitting there talking to him... I was probably about 7 or so... I think being able to "visit" him really helped me...

nettie Jan 10, 2006

I was very sad to read about your cat.I think the truth is the best thing for children.I also think a special place in memory helps them.
My daughter took the death of our dog well at the time but weeks later it hit her and I would look out for that with your children.Thinking of you all.
Diane xxxx

TamiL Jan 10, 2006

I'm so sorry Judy, I know how close pets are!
I wish you and your family prayers and hugs.

Tell your children the story of the Rainbow Bridge
I have a link to it here......................

http://www.dollsndreams.com/rainbow.html

Again I'm so sorry

All Bear Jan 10, 2006

What a sad time for you Judi.  I have this happen twice in recent years and no matter how sensible you try to be, it's still horribly distressing.  I don't know how old your children are, but I believe in telling children the truth as simply as possible and being prepared to answer their questions as honestly and as gently as possible, whatever their ages.  Don't give them too much information, the simple facts and a little time to absorb them quietly, will be enough for you all.

Sending hugs to you all.  :hug:

Wisdom Bears Jan 10, 2006

Hi Judi,
            Our thoughts are with you right now too, I agree with what has been said already as Children are very resilient at coping with what life deals out to them.  I hope you will be strong for them.  All my love Rita xxxxxx

Bonnie Jan 10, 2006

Oh Judi, I am so very sorry.        
It's hard to know what to say. Everyone has given you good advice. I think being gently straightforward with children is best, then just listening and letting them express their feelings. Closure is important and Daphne's idea of a service is a very good one. I can't add much else except lots of heartfelt sympathy....
:hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:

Sending warm and supportive thoughts your way,

Shelli Retired Help Advisor, Banner SponsorJan 10, 2006

Aw, Judi.  This same thing happened to my beloved cat Emme, just last summer, you might recall.  It's so hard. 

We did, as some suggested, bury her in the backyard.  I made her a copy of a photo you've all seen, actually, of me holding her, and the kids wrote her a little note.  We wrapped her in a polarfleece blanket -- I always tell them I want to be wrapped that way when I die, to keep me cozy for eternity! -- and put the notes and pictures on top of her in the little hole my husband and the boys dug, taking turns, in the backyard.  Then we each placed a little rose cut from our blooming rose bush on top.  Everyone who wanted to said goodbye, and of course, I was the only one of the five of us (the other four, boys) weeping like a stone fool.  But I think it was good for my kids (older than your youngest, being 9 and 11 at the time, and my stepson, 15) to see how people mourn, and that death can be about honoring what was loved and important, and about remembering.

I'm not sure this would work for your family because your son is very little.  But it will certainly work to remind them, I think, that sometimes pets get sick and die, and then they're in a better place without pain.  But they never leave your heart, no matter what.

Chin up, my friend... and I"m sending you all sorts of great wishes for your auction this week.  My own vet bills for Emme were over $1,000, so I know that's a lot to pay, literally, for the loss of a pet.

Big hugs,  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:

Roxanne Jan 10, 2006

Dear Judi,
I am sorry to hear about your kitty. It is such a heartache when something like this happens. Like Jenny said, kids are alot better at dealing with things like this than adults. It still is very hard to say the right things without upsetting them to much. Was it an accident? Or had he been sick?
We are all with you in spirit  :hug:   :hug:

Jo-Ann G Jan 10, 2006

Judi:

So sorry to hear about your kitty.  I am sure you will do and say the right thing to the kids.  Thoughts are with you.

doodlebears Celebration AmbassadorJan 10, 2006

Oh Judi how terrible for you. Just be straight with the children. I don't know what else to say. Big hugs to you all at this very sad time for you all.

  :hug:  :hug:      Hugs Jane

shantell Jan 10, 2006

Everyone has already said everything.  When the time comes you will know the right words for your children.  Unfortunately it is a very sad part of having pets but it does help children to understand that part of the life cycle especially when they lose a human in their lives later.

I'll be thinking of you and your beautiful babies today.

Shantell

MerBear Jan 10, 2006

I agree with Jenny. Kids seem to understand this loss better than adults. We have always buried our pets out back in the pasture along the tree line. That's where our Gracie was buried last month, along with her sucky blanket to keep her warm (she hated to be cold).
I remember years ago my sister was upset cause her kids goldfish had turned belly-up. She was afraid they'd be devastated and was contemplating replacing them before they knew.
In any case - she told them they had died and waited for the tears. Her older son (6) said good, now we can get turtles!
Now I don't doubt your kids will be upset about the loss of their cat - but probably not as much as you are. 

Marion

Judi Jan 10, 2006

Thank you all so very much for the kind words ..and really great advice.        

Tigger was five years old.  A gorgeous long haired gray m very gentle male cat 13 pounds...he was big.  He started acting weird on Friday.  Cats are very tough animals so we thought he would be fine...maybe just a big hair ball (he was always coughing those things up).  Yesterday when my gilrs got home from school, Jordan found Tigger in her room laying on his side.  He wouldn't get up.  We took him straight to the vet's office.  They said he had a blocked urethra, a gentetic problem.  His heart was barley beating.

Last evening they unblocked his bladder and said he was imporving quite a bit but would need to keep him for a few days.

This morning the vet called and reported that there was nothing more they could do.  He was doing very poorly and had kidney failure.  They wanted to help him "go peacefully".

My girls went to school this morning thinking he would be okay.

This all happened so fast.

Daphne, you're right...they have experienced a huge loss Aug 2004 .  I have explained to them before that the sad part of having pets is that they don't live as long as we do.  Every day will get better.          

I think we will bury him in our yard with some kind of ceremony.

Thank you so much for your support and allowing me to vent.  It means a great deal to me   :hug:  :hug:

Winney Jan 10, 2006

Judi...I too am so sorry you have lost your kitty...I have had many pets all my life and it is always so very hard to loose them. ....They don't live as long as we do, perhaps that what the Lord had in mind when he created them...it mimics our life , we are reminded we are not going to live forever .

We have 3 boys ,Like your farm  they saw a lot  about life and death with animals and pets.
We always had a ceremony and buried them on the property, everyone said a prayer and we just grieved together.....that in itself binds us all together and gives meaning to our lives...
I always grieve real hard...especially over the pets...dont know why, they just seem so innocent and becuse its the nature of pets to always give and love no matter how they are  threated..they depend on us... Hugs to all you family  ...Winney