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Matilda Huggington-beareThree women die together and go to heaven.
When they get there, St Peter says, " We only have one rule in heaven. Dont step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven and sure enough there are ducks all over the place and its impossible not to step on a duck. Though they try their best to avoid them ,one woman accidently steps on one.
Along comes St Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St Peter chains them together and says, "your punishment for stepping on a duck, eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day the second woman steps accidently on a duck and along comes St Peter ,he doesnt miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks but one day St Peter comes to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on......Very Tall, All muscular and slender.
St Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says" I wonder what I did to deserve being chained up to you for all eternity?"
The guy says " I dont know about you but I stepped on a duck!"
Charlotte Des Roches DesignsAIRPLANE HUMOR
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots marked with a
P)
and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
(By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
Cleathero Creations
Youi are right it is Saturday and my girls woke me at 5am I feel much better now!!
Funnies........
Pandy Potter BearsMy husband laughed when he read your joke, 'that man at the end is me!' Cheeky bugger! Mind you I always say he must have been evil in a former life, thats why I torment him. 
Lemmon Bears
great jokes!
Joan
Charlotte Des Roches DesignsCOWBOY JOKE
An old cowboy, dressed in cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar, sat down and ordered a drink. As he was sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.
After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "are you a real cowboy?" To which he replied, "well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, and mending fences, so I guess I am."
After a short while, he asked her what she was. She replied, "I've never been on a ranch so I'm not a cowboy, but I am a ****. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think of women. When I eat, shower, watch tv -- everything seems to make me think of women."
A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink. A couple sat down next to him and asked, "are you a real cowboy?" To which he replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a ****."
Mountain Dreamer Bears
Laughter is great medicine! Thanks I needed a dose!
Dolls N Dreamshahahaha
Those are funny, thanks for sharing
